


enchanted.

by lordvoldyfarts



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-17 21:04:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3543728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordvoldyfarts/pseuds/lordvoldyfarts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There's a Gryffindor coming at her with a quaffle but Clarke is falling and Lexa is frozen in the moment because her heart is clenching at the thought of Clarke hitting the ground. But if this quaffle gets past her, it's over. Even if they catch the snitch they can't win.</i>
</p><p> <i>And she wonders, just for a second, how the fuck Clarke became more important than winning this game.</i></p><p>Clexa Hogwarts!AU. Featuring Ravenclaw!Lexa, Gryffindor!Clarke, and a fair amount of magical shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. forcing laughter, faking smiles.

They're losing. By just shy of a snitch catch. 250-110. They've been playing for nearly three hours and Lexa is exhausted. She's made save after save, though clearly there's only so much that she can do if Anya doesn't catch the damn snitch. This is the most important game of the year...the championship. And Lexa would be damned if she handed the title over to Gryffindor on a silver platter without giving it the fight of her life.

It's starting to rain (of course it is - there's not been a year for as long as Lexa can remember that it hasn't down poured during the final. Simply keeping with tradition). Her team is trained for this. She knows they are. She didn't drag them out of bed at 6am during the rainy season for them not to be prepared for exactly this. She sees the devilish grin on Anya's face and she watches Gus' eyes harden and Raven even throw up a fist bump toward the sky and she knows that she's right. They're ready. She sees the look on the Gryffindor seekers face (and it can only be described as sheer panic) and she knows that they've got this. They're going to win.

And then there's a cracking sound coming from her left and Lexa's head snaps back. Her eyes focus and all she can see is blonde hair and a lithe body falling from a broom. Clarke.

There's a Gryffindor coming at her with a quaffle but Clarke is falling and Lexa is frozen in the moment because her heart is clenching at the thought of Clarke hitting the ground. But if this quaffle gets past her, it's over. Even if they catch the snitch they can't win.

And she wonders, just for a second, how the fuck Clarke became more important than winning this game.

-

_September._

There's nothing new and extravagant about the castle anymore. It's home, or at least it's the closest thing to that she's got, and the shine isn't there like it used to be. It’s still beautiful, it’s still mesmerizing but everything’s expected. She knows the portraits talk and she knows the staircases move. She doesn’t look at it all in wonder anymore.

She feels a twinge of it when she watches the first years get sorted. She sees it in their eyes, the wonder and excitement and she knows exactly what they’re feeling and it stirs just a bit of it up in her stomach but it’s never genuine. It’s only a recollection of how she used to feel. A shadow.

(And really, she can’t remember the last time she’d felt anything real. The last time she’d let herself feel anything real. But it’s better this way and she knows that - she does. She’s stronger for it.)

She leads the first years to the Ravenclaw common room in the towers and she hears them ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ over everything they see, no doubt not listening to a single word that Lexa is saying. She wonders how many of them are going to get lost on their way to classes because they hadn’t listened properly to what she told them about the staircases. She’s certain she’ll have to lead a few of them down to the Great Hall tomorrow morning and she doesn’t mind it. Her fellow Ravenclaws are the closest thing she’s got to a real family. And she is a Prefect, it’s probably written somewhere in her job description.

She stays in the common room until the last of the first years disperses into their dorms. She has patrol tonight - by herself, as it always is, and she waits until the last embers of the fire are beginning to burn out before she leaves the portrait hole to start her patrol.

It’s just after 11 and there’s barely a sound to be heard throughout the castle. Lexa figures there won’t be much. It’s only the first night and any illicit hookups probably occurred on the train. The broom closets typically don’t fill up until at least the end of September.

Her area, as it’s always been, is the astronomy tower. It’s closest to where she lives and it’s out of the way for most other prefects to travel to so she gladly takes it. It’s certainly far from the worst place to patrol. In her opinion, that’s the dungeons. Or anywhere near the Gryffindor common room.

She walks the length of the hallways, listening for any abnormal noises, She focuses on the sounds of her footsteps, listening for anything besides the sound of her foot hitting stone. For the most part, she hears nothing. Just a few rogue gusts of air likely coming from the windows or perhaps one of the ghosts. She wouldn’t put it past Peeves to be setting up some kind of ‘Welcome to Hogwarts’ prank for most of the first years. It’s probably also in her job description to stop that from happening but. What goes around comes around, right? It happened to her. It has to happen to them. And besides, Peeves knows not to go too hard on the first years, lest they cry to Professor Indra. She’s the only one that scares him.

She’s about to turn a corner when she hears footsteps coming from the opposite end. She grips the edge of her wand, ready to berate whoever is on the other end. They turn the corner at the same time, nearly bumping straight into each other. Clarke. Lexa narrows her eyes. “What are you doing on this side of the castle, Clarke?” Lexa knows this isn’t where she’s meant to be patrolling. Clarke had made the patrol schedule after all. Lexa’s eyes flit down to the bright, shiny Head Girl badge that’s pinned to the lapel of Clarke’s robe. Her gut twists and she has to resist the petty urge to reach across and rip it right off. Clarke is looking at her with wide, defiant eyes.

“I thought you would be finished by now. I wanted to do one last sweep of the whole castle before I went to bed.” Clarke replies and Lexa scoffs. Of course. Typical Griffin.

“Well I’m still patrolling and there’s nothing out of the ordinary happening so feel free to head back to your end.” Lexa says lifting her chin in very clear defiance of Clarke. Clarke’s nostrils flare and she takes another step toward Lexa, making the space between them nearly nonexistent. She lifts her head, an eyebrow raised.

“Or you could go back to your tower, Lexa. I think I can handle the rest of the patrol.” She sneers and Lexa clenches her jaw. She glowers down at Clarke.

“This is my job, Clarke. My tower, my patrol. I can handle it.” She says through clenched teeth and it’s always like this with them. High tension the moment they set eyes on each other. Like someone’s struck a match and thrown it in between them, with each word and glare like a piece of wood being thrown in to feed the flame.

And that’s how she likes it.

Clarke rolls her eyes and takes a step backwards. “You know, I get why nobody wants to patrol with you.” And Lexa doesn’t respond because Clarke really isn’t worth the energy.

“Are you leaving or not, Clarke?” She says, sidestepping the previous comment. Clarke shakes her head and starting to turn back in the direction that she came.

“Just finish up your patrol, Lexa.” She throws over her shoulder as she walks away. Even though she, technically, won that little tiff, there’s a sinking feeling in her stomach as she watches Clarke walk away.

That’s unpleasant.

-

Quidditch season doesn’t start for another month but there’s not a damn thing Lexa loves more about being back at Hogwarts than having the freedom to fly.

She wakes up early on Monday, before the sun even rises, and she doesn’t bother with a shower because she knows that by the time she’s back in her dorm, she’ll be sweaty enough to warrant taking another so she just doesn’t bother. As quietly as she can, she takes her broom out from underneath her bed. The girl in the bed next to hers, Raven, stirs, mumbling something in her sleep and Lexa tries to quiet her steps even more. She doesn’t want to wake the rest of the girls in the dorm. She knows how much they are to deal with when rudely awakened and she just wants to fly.

It’s still dark, though the blue of the sky is starting to soften by the time Lexa reaches the pitch. The ground is wet with morning dew and she drops her broom next to her in order to stretch down and touch it with her fingertips. The pitch is beautiful, especially when it’s empty like this. Nobody to yell at. Nobody to protect. Nobody to compete with. Just Lexa and the open air.

She hasn’t been on a broom in months. Not since the end of last term. Her parents had these ridiculous rules about flying and they locked her broom in the attic of their house the moment she arrived home. Frankly, Lexa thought it was ludicrous. She knew how to disguise herself and she was over 17 now. She could use magic at home.

They’re just stubborn. And stuck. It’s really nothing she isn’t used to.

But she’s not there anymore so she doesn’t have to think about it or them or trying to figure out ways to get past the charm on the attic door. She has her broom back now and all she wants to do is fly.

She kicks off the ground in one swift motion. She starts slow and low to the ground. She doesn’t push herself immediately.

But that doesn’t last very long.

It takes all of five minutes before she’s soaring high above the pitch, darting from end to end against the current of the wind. She’s got a tight grip on the front of the broom and she keeps herself as low to it as she can, trying to be as fast as possible.

She comes to a stop just as the sun is beginning to peek over the clouds. She picks a good spot in the middle of pitch to hover as she slowly watches the sun start to rise. It’s breathtaking.

This is one part of being at Hogwarts that never gets old. The exquisite sunrises. She watches until the last of the dark blue has cleared from the sky and everything is covered in hues of light blue, orange, and red. And then she takes a few more laps. She flies until she’s out of breath and her chest feels tight. She flies until she feels like if she pushes herself any harder her heart might give out. Then she flies down, chest heaving, attempting to catch her breath. She puts her hands on her knees and keeps her head down while she counts backwards from ten in her head, her breath slowly regulating with each number that she counts. She’s nearly ready to stand up and leave when from the edge of the pitch she hears, “What are you doing out here, Lexa?”

Clarke.

Of course. Lexa stands, pushing her shoulders back and looking across at Clarke, who is leaning against her broom. Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“What business of yours is that?” Lexa retorts and even from the distance, she sees Clarke roll her eyes.

“Could you, for once, not be an ass and just answer the question?” She has to yell a bit because they’re still standing nearly half a quidditch pitch apart but Lexa won’t move any closer to Clarke and Lexa’s sure Clarke won’t be moving either. Lexa shrugs.

“Maybe if you asked better questions.” She replies, reaching behind her head to pull her ponytail out. Loose curls fly free and she shakes them. She was planning on leaving but there’s something about intruding on Clarke’s time on the pitch that’s just slightly more appealing than showering. “I could ask you the very same thing, Clarke.” She continues and Clarke just shakes her head.

“I’ll answer if you do.” Clarke shoots back and Lexa rolls her eyes. She doesn’t have time for this. Even if she wants to intrude on Clarke’s pitch time, the price of talking to her isn’t worth it. So she grips her broom tightly and walks to the exit of the pitch, barely paying Clarke a bit of attention. She's a few paces behind her and she figures there's nothing more to be said but from behind her she hears, "See you in class, Lexa." She pauses for a moment. She chooses not to respond and keeps walking forward and back in toward the castle.

-

It ought not to be a surprise that they share a few classes. Most of the N.E.W.T classes are all house because of how specialized they are. They shared classes last term, Lexa isn’t surprised that they share classes this term.

What does surprise her is what those classes are.

They share the standard Defense Against the Dark Arts with Professor Indra and Potions with Professor Kane. Lexa figured that. You needed an ‘O’ on your O.W.L in both classes to progress onto the N.E.W.T level course. The classes had been small last year, just over two handfuls of people, and Lexa hadn’t expected any different this year.

What does take her by surprise is seeing Clarke in her Care of Magical Creatures course. She was unaware that Clarke had been interested in it beyond the requirement in third year. She’d never seen her in a course since. Though the professor doesn’t bat an eyelash and Lexa swears Clarke shoots her a smirk over his shoulder. It makes her want to vomit.

There aren’t many students in the class. Most don’t even opt to take the O.W.L in the course but Lexa had always found the material interesting. That feeling only intensified when it became clear just how much of the course she was able to spend by herself in the Forbidden Forest. It was calming. Nearly as relaxing as flying above the clouds before sunrise. But not quite.

The class stands at the edge of the forest, textbooks in hand, the professor gesturing wildly toward the forest. He explains to them what they’re meant to do with the first lesson….and that they must do it in pairs. Lexa groans. She keeps to herself in this class. That’s always been the whole point. Before she even has a chance to look back, everybody has partnered up, leaving only one person available. Clarke. She’s looking at her out of the corner of her eye and Lexa sighs heavily. She raises an eyebrow. She’s certainly not going over there first. They’re standing on the opposite sides of the crowd and it’s clear the professor is waiting on them to move to stand next to each other but Lexa won’t budge. She crosses her arms over her chest and stares in front of her. Finally, after a few moments, she hears a dejected sigh from her left and footsteps. Clarke stands next to her and whispers, “Do you have to be a child about everything?” Lexa doesn’t answer.

(And maybe that’s giving Clarke all of the answer that she needs.)

He finishes the instructions and sends them off into the forest. Lexa walks a few paces ahead of Clarke, determined to keep this as silent as possible. Clarke, and Lexa has to give her credit, does her best to keep up, though Lexa isn’t at all sure where she’s even going. She knows they’re supposed to be looking for evidence of unicorns in the forest so really, she could go anywhere she wanted. Lexa pauses, finally turning around to look at Clarke, who is looking up in mild wonder at the light shining through the trees. Lexa wonders if Clarke’s even been to the forest since third year. “We should split up. Cover more ground.” She suggests though it sounds more like an order and if she’s being honest, that’s how she intends it. Clarke shakes her head.

“No. The professor said to do this in pairs.” She replies and Lexa rolls her eyes.

“Clarke this forest covers nearly double the square footage of the castle. Do you really expect to find evidence of unicorns while you’re just scratching the surface?” Lexa responds with fervor and for some reason, Clarke starts to smile.

“You know a lot about this stuff, huh?” She asks and Lexa furrows her brow. What was she getting at?

“I suppose that I do. I’ve been taking this course since third year. You do pick up a few things.” She replies, speaking slowly and she’s sure that Clarke can hear the confusion in her tone. Clarke shrugs.

“Well, I haven’t. So if I wander off by myself, I’ll get lost and probably kidnapped by centaur so.” She responds and Lexa shakes her head.

“The centaurs won’t kidnap or harm you unless you do something to provoke…” She trails off when she sees Clarke’s eyebrows raise. She nods. “Right. Doesn’t matter.” She straightens her back and tightens her jaw. “Fine. We’ll stay together. But keep up. I know where to start looking.” She turns around and continues to walk. She makes a few sharp turns, zagging her way into the middle of the forest. She figures that where she’s taking Clarke will only look like an empty field to her. But it’s the right place to start. Birds of a feather, they say.

Clarke doesn’t speak much for the rest of their walk. Just an occasional comment about the course that Lexa ignores. She’s not one for small talk. Especially not with Clarke Griffin. Lexa knows they’re close by the markings on the trees. She takes a deep breath as they turn one final corner. In the middle of an open grove, standing in all of their glory, are about five or six thestrals. There are always a few hanging around. This is home base. She sighs. They’re beautiful creatures, truly. Shame the circumstances that must come to pass   in order for people have to see them. Lexa hears a faint cracking of twigs behind her and she turns her head. Clarke is staring with wide eyes at the thestrals in front of her.

She can see them.

Clarke can see the thestrals.

And there’s something in Lexa that twinges, because she knows what that means, and no matter how much she hates Clarke, it’s something she’d never wish on anybody. Even her worst enemy.

Lexa watches as Clarke takes a few steps towards them, her eyes still wide as if she’s entranced, hypnotized even. She moves until she’s standing next to Lexa, who is still watching her. Clarke doesn’t take her eyes off of the thestrals when she says, “So, you can see them too.” Clarke pulls her eyes away and Lexa swallows before closing her eyes and nodding.

“I can.” And they stay there, silently staring at the thestrals together, until they see the sparks their professor shoots from his wand, telling them it’s time to return.

The whole walk back Lexa spends thinking that maybe, Clarke Griffin is more than what Lexa painted her to be.

-

She’s eating a bowl of cereal and reading The Daily Prophet when a girl she only vaguely recognizes sits down next to her with a chipper grin on her face. Lexa is chewing and not looking at all at this girl who still has yet to say anything. After a few moments of silence, finally she says, “Hey, Lexa, I know you’re captain of the quidditch team and I was just wondering when tryouts might be?” Lexa doesn’t look up from the prophet.

“Next week.” She replies, quickly spooning more cereal into her mouth. Lexa feels the girl scoot closer to her and that makes her look up. She raises an eyebrow just slightly. The girl has her chin cradled in her hand and she’s staring up and Lexa through her eyelashes. She’s small and slight, perfect for a seeker, which they already have one of. “We’re not looking for any seekers. Sorry.” She continues, looking back down at the paper. The girl leans in even further, putting a hand on her arm.

“Well what are you looking for, then?” She asks and Lexa looks up, furrowing her eyebrows.

“We have one chaser spot to fill.” She responds, taking her arm out from underneath the girls grip. She’s smirking and Lexa thinks that maybe, just maybe, she’s not all that interested in quidditch.

“Well I’m pretty good with my hands.” She nearly purrs and Lexa is ready to inform her that if she’s not actually interested in the game, she shouldn’t bother showing up to tryouts when suddenly, there’s an arm between them resting on the table and then a person slowly sitting down, edging them apart. Clarke. She doesn’t bother looking at the girl she just shoved away from Lexa but she looks at Lexa with a bright grin and hands her a piece of parchment.

“Here’s the patrol schedule for the week!” She says incredibly too enthusiastically. Lexa takes it from her hand slowly, her eyes vaguely mistrusting. Clarke’s bright grin hasn’t faded and this is the nicest she’s been to her since they were eleven so safe to Lexa is a bit alarmed. She looks down at the schedule, expecting to see everything as it usually is, and she’s thrown when she sees that her name isn’t the only one in her block. Lexa furrows her brows.

“Why are we scheduled to patrol together, Clarke?” She asks just slightly accusatorily. Clarke shrugs.

“Bellamy wanted to patrol with Echo so I shifted some things around. I don’t like to patrol solo and you were my best option.” She says, looking at Lexa with steely eyes that seem to dare to her to protest or say something against it. But Lexa finds that the idea of patrolling with Clarke doesn’t sound altogether too repulsive. At least, not as much so as it would have been at the beginning of term. And maybe it does get a bit lonely walking the corridors by herself. Some company wouldn’t kill her. Especially if it’s just for the week. So she nods.

“Alright.” She says simply and Clarke raises an eyebrow.

“Really? You’re not going to put up more of a fight?” She asks and Lexa just shrugs.

“No use. You’re the Head Girl. You make the rules.” Lexa murmurs and maybe it comes out just a little bit harsher than she intends because Clarke recoils, only slightly but enough that Lexa notices. Part of her wants to apologize (and since when did she ever feel the need to apologize for upsetting Clarke Griffin?) but before she gets a chance, the bell starts to ring and Clarke is standing up.

“See you in class.” She mutters, leaving Lexa still sitting down at the table, a half eaten bowl of cereal in front of her, wondering when she started to care how her words affected Clarke.

-

Their first patrol together is a Tuesday. Lexa is still dressed in her robes but Clarke is dressed down, in jeans and a sweater and Lexa has to admit that it works for her. They meet by the Great Hall because Clarke’s patrols include a sweep of the outside. Perks of being the Head Girl. Luckily, the nights are still warm so it’s not much of a hassle. Clarke gives Lexa a smile when she sees her. “Hey.” Lexa doesn’t quite smile back but she manages not to grimace and she figures that’s close enough.

“Hello, Clarke.” She replies. “Ready?” She asks and Clarke nods an affirmative. They walk in silence and honestly, it’s an awkward one. It isn’t heavy or filled with anger but Clarke is twisting her fingers and it’s clear there’s something that she wants to say. “Are you going to continue twiddling your thumbs or are you just going to spit it out?” Lexa asks, finally being unable to deal with the loaded silence between them. Clarke lets out a breath.

“I just wanted to apologize for yesterday morning. For slipping in between you and that girl. It was rude and I should have waited until after breakfast.” She spills out and Lexa, very nearly, laughs.

“You weren’t interrupting anything.” Lexa says softly and for some reason, it sounds like a reassurance. Clarke shoulders relax and she lets out a long, deep breath.

“Okay. I mean, it looked like she was really interested in whatever you were talking about..” Clarke is speaking quickly and she won’t look at Lexa, which is strange. Almost as strange as Clarke apologizing for anything.

“I highly doubt it. She didn’t seem much interested in quidditch.” Lexa says with a shrug as they push out the front doors of the Great Hall. Clarke looks over at her with a kind of smirk.

“But she did seem interested in you.” And Lexa wrinkles her nose in response. Yes, she had managed to figure that bit out on her own. She nods, slowly.

“I did pick that up.” Lexa replies and Clarke meets her eyes and suddenly, a shiver shoots down her spine and she figures it has to be the wind. Clarke has her hands shoved down in her back pockets and well, Lexa hates to admit this, but she actually looks quite attractive. She’s biting down her bottom lip and she only releases it to say,

“Are you uh, interested in her too?” Clarke asks hesitantly and Lexa stares at her in confusion for a moment. They weren’t friends. Just a week ago they were barely able to be in the same room together without arguing with each other. Why is it that Clarke seems so eager to ask her these kinds of personal questions now?

“I wasn’t aware we’d reached a level where you could ask me that.” Lexa replies because it is is strange. They had one moment of peace together while watching the thestrals and Lexa hardly thinks that counts as...bonding. Clarke shrugs and rolls her eyes and there, that’s the Griffin she knows and loves to hate.

“Pardon me for trying to be friendly with you, Lexa. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of fighting with you all of the time. Don’t you think it’s getting a little old? Don’t you think we’re getting a little old?” Clarke replies in a tone that Lexa can only think to describe as a mixture of irritation, exasperation, and exhaustion. Lexa thinks for a moment. They are both nearly eighteen. A childish rivalry that started during a simple potions lesson in first year is a long to hang on to for such a long time. And Lexa has found that during these quiet moments when they aren’t fighting with each other, spending time with Clarke is actually….kind of enjoyable. So maybe a truce of some sort wouldn’t be the worst thing. Slowly, Lexa nods.

“Fine.” Is all she says in response but it’s enough to bring a smile to Clarke’s face. They’re nearing the whomping willow, whichis relatively calm tonight but the wind is starting to pick up. Clarke’s crossing her arms over her chest, rubbing her hands up and down her arms in an attempt to keep herself warm. Clarke stops walking for a moment and Lexa follows suit, just a bit curious as to why she’s made them stop moving.

“You know how what they say you do to seal a truce right?” Clarke says and Lexa shakes her head. She’s never ‘truced’ with anybody before in her life.

“Make an unbreakable vow?” Clarke shakes her head with a laugh. Clarke’s got a mischievous smile on her face and that worries Lexa more than anything else.

“No. With a drink.” She says and now Lexa’s eyes widen.

“Clarke, you’re Head Girl. You know very well that we’re not supposed to drink in the castle.” Lexa says matter-of-factly and Clarke rolls her eyes.

“You need to loosen up.” She comments and she moves back in toward the door of the castle. Lexa reaches out to grab her wrist. What the hell is she doing? If they got caught, by anyone, they’ll get in serious trouble and there’s no way Lexa is risking getting her captainship revoked before the season even starts.

“Clarke, where are you going?” Lexa hisses and Clarke looks at her over her shoulder.

“If you don’t want to drink in the castle, we don’t have to.” She says in response and tilts her head to the side, looking at Lexa with wide eyes. “Trust me.” She says and really, that’s much easier said than done for Lexa. Especially when trusting Clarke clearly involves doing something ridiculous and probably dangerous by the looks of things.

But there’s something about the way Clarke is looking at her that compels her to just nod. Clarke’s smile grows and she nods back.

“Good. Let’s go.” She says and starts to move again toward the entrance of the castle. As she begins to move, Lexa becomes incredibly aware that she’s still holding onto Clarke’s wrist. She lets it go quickly and follows behind Clarke as she begins to move back into the castle.

Lexa likes to think she knows the castle pretty well. She’s fairly certain there’s not a corridor she hasn’t travelled or a passageway she’s never seen so she’s not exactly sure where Clarke could possibly be taking them where they won’t be caught.

Clarke leads them down a dimly corridor on the third floor and she stops in front of the statue of Gunhilda of Gorsemoor. She looks back at Lexa for just a moment before taking her wand out of her pocket and pointing it at the top of the hump. “Dissendium.” She whispers and for a moment there’s nothing and Lexa is ready to tell her that really, they don’t need do this, when slowly, the hump starts to move. Lexa’s eyes widen and Clarke looks back at her with a smirk. She starts to lift herself up into the hole in the hump and this is maybe the first thing she’s seen in years in this castle that’s actually surprised her. “Follow me down.” Clarke whispers to her before disappearing and honestly is she expected to really just….follow her down this hole?

She may not be a muggleborn but Lewis Carroll was and she knows enough about Alice in Wonderland to know that you don’t jump down random holes without knowing where they lead.

But Clarke’s already disappeared and clearly she knows where this goes. She had asked Lexa to trust her and Lexa had agreed. Lexa supposes that trusting her is jumping down this hole without knowing where it leads and hoping it’s not to Clarke holding her wand up ready to shoot a killing curse at her.

So she takes a deep breath and hoists herself up and drops herself into the hole.

Which leads to a slide. A dark, dingy slide that dumps her out into a tunnel right on her ass. She lands with a thud and she wrinkles her nose. That was unpleasant.

Clarke is leaning against the stone wall with her arms crossed and a raised eyebrow. She reaches a hand down toward Lexa, which she stares at for a long moment before eventually grabbing. Clarke pulls her up and says, “We’ve got to be quiet.” Her voice is a whisper and she starts to walk, still grasping onto Lexa’s hand, a fact that Lexa is very aware of. Lexa is staring down at their connected hands and when Clarke looks back, she notices and pulls her hand away. Lexa swears that her hand is tingling where Clarke had touched her.

They continue down the dark passage way for what Lexa considers to be entirely too long before they finally stop at a ladder. Clarke turns to her and just puts a finger to her lips before she starts to climb up the rungs of the ladder. Lexa watches her with wide eyes as she disappears into darkness above.

And Lexa figures she’s already come this far - there’s no point in turning back now.

So she follows her up the ladder and they emerge into….a basement? Lexa wrinkles her eyebrows. The end of Clarke’s wand is lit and she grins at Lexa. “We’re here.” She says and Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“And where exactly is here?” Lexa counters and Clarke moves her wand around the room. Boxes, large lollipops, cotton candy…..

“Are we in Honeydukes?” Lexa whispers and Clarke’s smile grows. She nods.

“The basement, yeah.” She says with just a smidge of smugness. “Come here.” She continues and reaches out for Lexa’s arm. And Lexa’s given up on trying to predict exactly what Clarke is going to do so she just lets her grab it. She feels a familiar tug behind her bellybutton and she clamps her eyes shut.

When she opens them, they’re right outside of the The Hogs Head.

Well, Clarke wasn’t kidding.

They weren’t in the castle anymore.

-

Lexa’s eight firewhiskeys into the evening and her face is flushed red and her hair is frizzing. Clarke’s barely broken a sweat and they’ve had the same amount of alcohol and Lexa is determined to prove that she can outdrink her. Clarke rests a hand on her forearm. “Lexa, maybe you should stop.” Clarke says with a slight giggle and Lexa gives Clarke a wide-eyed, incredulous look.

“I will not!” She exclaims. “I don’t like to lose, Clarke.” She says and her words are starting to slur. Clarke shakes her head.

“This isn’t a competition.” She says and Lexa purses her lips.

“Everything’s a competition, Clarke.” She says. “Life is a competiton. And I have to win.” She mutters and takes another sip of firewhiskey. How does Clarke not know this? They’ve spent their whole at school lives competing with each other. Lexa is sure that if anybody would get that everything is about winning, it would be a fellow captain. Clarke snorts.

“Okay, Lexa. Whatever you say. Just...when you’re vomiting all over your bedroom in the morning, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She says and Lexa rolls her eyes.

“Don’t be overdramatic, Clarke. I’ve been drunk before. I know how to handle myself in the event of a hangover.” She says with a snort.

“Okay.” Clarke says and she sounds amused and there is nothing funny about Lexa. Nope. Not ever. She is ferocious. Like a grindylow. Or a mermaid. Or a hippogriff. Not funny. And Clarke should not be laughing.

“Don’t laugh. I’m being very serious here, Clarke.” She says and Clarke. Is. Still. Smiling.

“You should be drunk more often.” Clarke says and hm, maybe she should be. She feels really good right now. Like she could fly. But like. Without a broom. Or a levitation spell. Just on her own.

Just Lexa and the open air.

She leans her head back. “I could fly right now, Clarke. I think I could.” She murmurs. She wishes she could. Go outside and just float.

“I believe you.” Clarke says and Lexa believes Clarke. And it’s probably the alcohol loosening her lips but she doesn’t stop talking.

“I used to feel like this all of the time.” Lexa says and she feels it even though she hasn’t even started talking yet but she can’t help it.

“Yeah? Why don’t you anymore?” Clarke asks, leaning in. Lexa laughs. She looks over at Clarke and raises an eyebrow.

“Have you ever been in love, Clarke?” Lexa asks and Clarke’s eyes widen. She looks taken aback but slowly, she nods. “So have I. She was beautiful. Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. Prettier than any place I’ve ever travelled. More full of life than any room full of people I’ve ever been in.” And Lexa pauses because there’s a part of her that’s yelling for her to stop talking now before she reveals too much but the weight is lifting off of her chest and maybe she needs to keep talking. “And they took her away. She was ‘too muggle’ and that was too dangerous. They took her and they made her forget me.” Lexa says and her voice starts to crack and she doesn’t feel like flying anymore. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” She says and Clarke is looking at her with a strange expression on her face and Lexa thinks she’s going to tell her something but instead, she waves the barkeep over.

“Can I get another round, please?” She asks and he nods, bringing them two more firewhiskeys.

Clarke raises the glass and Lexa follows suit. Clarke clanks their glasses together, “To those we’ve lost.” She murmurs. And Lexa looks into Clarke’s eyes and she’s not really sure where it comes from but she replies with,

“And to those we shall soon find.” They stare at each other for a few moments before Clarke pulls her glass back and downs it all in one go.

-

Lexa isn’t sure how she ends up in front of the eagle but here she is, leaning up against Clarke, trying to keep her balance. She hasn’t stopped giggling since they returned from the passageway and honestly, she isn’t sure why. She just knows that Clarke smells so good and her hands may possibly be lighting her on fire. And before the eagle has a chance to spit out a riddle, Lexa turns to Clarke and puts her hands on her cheeks. “I have been….so wrong about you, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa slurs and Clarke smiles, though because of Lexa’s hand placement, her cheeks just smoosh against Lexa’s palms, which only serves to make Lexa melt into a further fit of giggles. “I’m very glad I don’t hate you anymore.” She whispers. Clarke smiles.

“I’m glad too, Lexa.” And Lexa leans in, putting her forehead against Clarke’s with her eyes closed.

“You smell really nice.” Lexa mutters and Clarke lets out a slow exhale of breath that Lexa can feel against her own mouth and she thinks that maybe she wants to lean in. Maybe. She brushes her nose over Clarke’s. “Lexa….” Clarke says and Lexa inhales. She wants to. She’s going to.

And then the door to the common room swings open and Raven stumbles out and Lexa leaps away from Clarke. Raven leans against the wall with her arms crossed. “Well, well. What’s this?” She asks and Lexa is about to open her mouth but Clarke beats her to it.

“I was just trying to get her back safe. But you’re here now! So you can uh, take her upstairs.” Clarke says, stumbling over a few of her words. Raven snickers.

“Sure, princess. Will do.” She replies with a mock salute and Clarke puts a hand on Lexa’s shoulder.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” She says and Lexa nods, giving her a slightly messy thumbs up. Raven is still laughing as Clarke turns to walk down the corridor. Lexa nearly falls over from having no support and Raven quickly moves in so she’s holding her up. She shakes her head.

“Whoa steady there Cap. Let’s get you inside.” She says. “Why am I always stuck with you when you’re like this?” Raven asks and if she were sober, she would know that was a rhetorical question but she’s not so.

“Because I’m your captain and you know I’d kick your ass off the team if you didn’t take care of me.” She murmurs in reply.

“Too right.” Raven mutters and wow, Lexa’s head feels so heavy right now. She could just. Fall asleep. Right here. “Oh no, you’re not sleeping on me. No way. Head up, Cap.” She says, shrugging her shoulder to get Lexa’s head off of it.

They climb the stairs, slowly, and Raven tosses Lexa on her bed. “Sleep it off, Cap.” Raven says and Lexa gives her another lazy thumbs up before she falls straight to sleep.

-

She wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache and two hours late for classes.

She showers as quickly as she possibly can and leaves her hair down to dry. Her tie is crooked and god, her fucking head.

She manages to make it out to the forest in time for the start of Care of Magical Creatures. Luckily, they’re still continuing their search for evidence of unicorns so it’s not too involved of a lesson.

She spots Clarke in the crowd and then everything comes flooding back to her. The Hogs Head. Firewhiskey. Flying. Nearly kissing her. Oh god.

How could she have done that? They’d only been….not enemies for a few hours and Lexa had been determined to fuck that up.

She waits for Clarke to come to her and she’s surprised when she does with a bright smile on her face and a skip in her step. Lexa sneers at her. “How is it that you’re still so chipper, Clarke?” Lexa asks and she tries her best not to sound bitter. Clarke laughs.

“I thought you knew how to handle a hangover?” She teases, bringing back their conversation from the night before and Lexa blushes. Clarke gestures toward the woods with her head. “C’mon. I’ve got something for you that’ll help you out.” She says and Lexa raises an eyebrow. It’s possible she should stop trusting Clarke but she figures one more time won’t hurt.

They’re a few paces into the woods when Clarke stops and pulls a vial from inside of her robe. Lexa furrows her brow. “What is that?” She asks and Clarke holds it out to her. She grabs it, rolling it around in her hand.

“It’s a hangover solution. It’ll get rid of your headache in a pinch.” She says and Lexa gives her a grateful half-smile, uncorking the vial and downing it in one go.

“If only you were as good at taking shots as you are at downing potions.” Clarke teases again and Lexa glares. Clarke and knocks her on the shoulder. “Come on, I’m teasing. We’re friends now. That’s what friends do.” She says and clearly, what happened last night wasn’t enough to put her off and for that she feels…..grateful. She nods.

“I’m sorry - for last night. I said, and did, a few things I should not have done. I’ve never been the best at controlling my actions while under the influence.” Lexa explains and she hopes Clarke knows what she means. Clarke gives a look, one of understanding, with a twinkle in her eye and Lexa knows then that she does get it.

“Don’t worry about it. We’re good.” She says and Lexa nods.

“Okay. Shall we get started?” She asks, gesturing toward the forest in front of them. Clarke nods.

“Lead the way.”

-

It’s Saturday morning and she wakes up early because it’s Quidditch tryouts today. She has one spot to fill on her team. One chaser. And it’s a difficult spot to fill because she needs to find someone who has chemistry with her two existing chasers and frankly, she’s not looking forward to that. She hopes there’s someone fresh and surprising because Lexa thinks that by now she’s seen everybody in Ravenclaw tryout for her at least once.

She’s one of the only people in the Great Hall in the morning and she’s fine with that. She has her tea in front of her and the daily prophet. She’s in the middle of an article about the ministry when she hears noise from across from her. She glances up. Clarke is sitting there with a grin on her face as she reaches for a croissant. “Morning.” She says and Lexa stares at her for a few moment.

“Good morning, Clarke.” She replies, watching her. She’s sitting at the table like it’s routine - as if she always sits with her at breakfast and that is certainly far from the case. She’s usually with Bellamy and there’s some strange twinge in her stomach when she thinks about him and just how often he hangs out with Clarke. “Is there something you wanted?” Lexa asks and Clarke shrugs.

“You were alone, I was alone. Figured I’d kill two birds with one stone.” She says and Lexa wrinkles her nose. There weren’t any birds in here? Clarke notices the confused look on her face. “Right. It’s a muggle saying.” And sometimes Lexa forgets that Clarke is muggleborn. For as bright, skilled, and talented as she is in their courses, one would think she was a pureblood.

“Why are you up so early?” Lexa asks. Clarke shrugs.

“Who says I slept?” She throws back and Lexa thinks it’s supposed to be a joke but there’s something in Clarke’s eyes that tells her that maybe, she isn’t kidding. But that’s not a conversation to have over tea. “I was going to head to the library and try and get ahead on work. Quidditch season is starting.” She says, glancing down to Lexa’s blue and bronze sweater and broomstick, which is sitting next to her on the bench.

“I’m having tryouts this morning.” Lexa comments. “I would invite you to watch but…” She trails off and Clarke laughs.

“I’m the competition. I get it.” Clarke replies. She leans in, resting her head on top of her hand. “Would you uh, want to do something afterwards? I mean, I have a solo patrol tonight if you’d want to keep me company or we could fly together or something?” Clarke asks and she won’t meet her eyes but Lexa nods.

“You’re welcome to fly with me if you think you can keep up.” Lexa says with a small smile. Clarke snorts.

“Oh please. I think you’d be the one who has to catch up.” Clarke says and Lexa tilts her head.

“Clarke, I’ve been flying since I was four years old. You may be naturally skilled but years of practice is much more essential to talent.” Lexa comments and Clarke just smiles, her eyes softening. “What?” Lexa asks, confused as to why Clarke is looking at her like that.

“You said I’m naturally skilled. I think that was a compliment.” Clarke says and Lexa shrugs.

“I was simply stating fact. I know skill when I see it, Clarke. I would have to be blind not to appreciate what you have.” Lexa says. Clarke’s cheeks flush pink and she glances down at the table.

“You are….” Clarke starts but she trails off quickly and then shakes her head. “Nevermind.” She says and Lexa won’t press. She figures Clarke will tell her if she really wants to. “I’m gonna go. I see some members of your team are heading over so I’ll make myself scarce.” She moves to stand. She looks down at Lexa with a soft grin. “I’ll see you on the pitch.” She says and Lexa nods.

“Looking forward to it.” She replies and she finds that she really does mean that.

-

It takes two hours and more eye rolling than Lexa thinks is physically healthy but she manages to find herself a chaser. She’s a third year - small, lithe, with more attitude than skill, and she manages to give her other chasers just as much shit as they gave her which is a quality that Lexa can certainly respect.

Everybody else has cleared the pitch but Lexa sits in the middle, face toward the sky, wind blowing her hair behind her back, finally giving herself a moment to relax. Obviously, that moment doesn’t last very long because from behind her she hears,

“Ready for me to hand you your ass?” And Lexa smiles. She shakes her head.

“Clarke, I think you’ll find the opposite to be true.” She yells back in response, moving to stand. The sun is still high in the sky and is shining heavily on Lexa’s face. It illuminates Clarke’s even more. Makes her eyes shine. She’s standing just next to Lexa.

“We’ll see.” Clarke says as Lexa stands to her full height. Lexa’s barely steady on her own two feet when Clarke gets onto her broom and flies a quick circle around her. “Come on then. Show me what you’ve got.” She says from her spot just a few inches above Lexa’s head and really, Lexa can’t keep herself from smiling because there’s just something about this moment and the way Clarke is smiling and how the sun is hitting her eyes that makes it impossible not to.

And Lexa hops onto her broom and she chases Clarke through the sky and she finds that flying, while enjoyable alone, is much more interesting when sharing the sky with someone else.

-

The sun is starting to set by the time their feet finally touch the ground again. Clarke insists they stay and watch the sunset because has Lexa seen a proper sunset from the pitch? It’s much prettier than the sunrise, she insists, and really it doesn’t take much insisting on Clarke’s part to get Lexa to agree.

They sit in the middle of the pitch, shoulders just barely touching, facing the sun. They’re silent for a long time and it’s a good silence. It’s not awkward or uncomfortable. It just is. The sky is a pretty shade of orange and the sun only half visible but it’s beautiful and Lexa thinks that maybe she needs to start paying closer attention to the little things that make Hogwarts what it is. “It truly is beautiful.”  Lexa murmurs, looking at the sky.

“Yeah. It really is.” Clarke replies, looking at Lexa.

They go quiet again but it doesn’t last very long because Clarke clears her throat. “You asked me, that night, if I had ever been in love.” Clarke says and Lexa looks over at her. Clarke isn’t looking at her. Her eyes are trained toward the sky.

“You don’t need to say anything.” Lexa assures because she doesn’t - she really doesn’t. She doesn’t owe her this.

“No, you told me your story. I want to tell you mine.” Clarke says. “His name was Finn. We grew up together. He was my best friend. And it was probably really cliche, falling for your best friend, but. We just fit.” She pauses and Lexa feels like she should reach across, touch her, do something to let her know that she understands but she can’t figure out what. “He was a muggle. So we were separated for most of the year but you know, we made it work. Or well. We really tried to. But there’s only so many changes you can go through as people before you just start to fall apart as a couple. I wanted to talk about transfiguration and what I learned in potions and he wanted to talk about trying out for the football team. We were just. In two different worlds for too much of the time.” She says and Clarke blinks back tears. “He called me a freak and that’s when I knew we had just grown too far apart.” She mutters. “We didn’t understand each other anymore.” Clarke finishes with a shrug. And Lexa does the only thing that she can really think of. She reaches across the grass and rests her hand on top of Clarke’s, wrapping her fingers around her palm and squeezing. Because she gets it. And Clarke looks over at her with a smile. They don’t speak and Clarke doesn’t disconnect their hands. She just turns her palm up and squeezes back.

Yeah, Lexa’s really glad she doesn’t hate Clarke anymore.

-

Clarke shows Lexa the kitchens and Lexa thinks that maybe she’ll never go to the Great Hall again. The house elves are sweet and bring her anything she asks for and Clarke laughs at her wide eyed amazement.

They’re splitting a piece of pie when Clarke asks, “The thestrals….it’s probably none of my business but…” She trails off and Lexa knows what she’s asking. She shrugs.

“That story isn’t a personal one. I witnessed an accident as a child on an excursion into the muggle world. A car wreck, I believe it’s called? The driver was thrown from the car and was killed instantly. As I witnessed that, I have always been able to see them.” She explains and she’s grateful that story isn’t a more painful one. She glances up at Clarke who is staring down at the pie and she knows Clarke’s already bared so much of herself today so it almost feels selfish to ask, but she can’t help it. “You can see them too.” Lexa says and Clarke takes a deep breath.

“My Dad.” She murmurs. “He died of cancer a few years ago. I was with him when he died.” She says and Lexa nods, slowly.

“When they obliviated Costia, they made me watch.” Lexa mutters because she figures Clarke’s told her so much….and the weight that’s been on her chest since Costia feels like less whenever she talks to Clarke and maybe this will help. “I watched the recognition leave her eyes as the spell took effect.” And Clarke pushes the plate of pie towards her.

“You can finish it.” She says and Lexa’s grateful. Grateful for Clarke. Grateful for how she seems to understand.

She finishes the pie on her own and for the rest of the night, she doesn’t let herself think about Costia (which is, honestly, a first because there is usually not a single moment that she doesn’t feel the weight of what she caused on her chest).

They patrol in silence with very little space between them. Their hands dangle and Lexa blushes every time their hands brush.

And Lexa feels her heart beat accelerate whenever Clarke looks at her or when their pinkies brush and when Clarke gives her a giant grin and a squeeze on the shoulder before they say goodnight, Lexa realizes that she’s totally and completely...enchanted by Clarke Griffin.


	2. this night is sparkling, don't you let it go.

The warm summer air turns to crisp, chilled fall wind and Ravenclaw’s first quidditch match is approaching.

Lexa has the team practicing every morning, beginning at 5am, no matter the weather.

By now, she’s lost count of how many times Raven has told her that she’s going to smother her in her sleep if she makes them practice in the rain one more time. Lexa shrugs it off. She tells Raven it will be worth it in the end when they’re the most prepared team on the pitch. That, of course, doesn’t keep Raven from giving her the finger and grumbling about slipping poison in her morning pumpkin juice.

It’s a Monday and Lexa’s freshly showered, her hair in a long braid, and Raven is at her side. “Listen, Cap, I’m just saying that I don’t understand why can’t just _try_ it.” Raven says and Lexa puts her goblet down on the table and raises an eyebrow.

“Raven, we can’t blow up the Slytherin common room. End of story.” Lexa responds. Raven huffs.

“It would just be stink bombs, come on! Maybe they’d smell too bad to come out onto the pitch and play us.” Raven continues and Lexa purses her lips.

“And would you really want to win by default and not by our own merit?” Lexa questions and Raven’s eyes roll.

“If it means I don’t have to get up before the sun rises every single morning, yes.” She grumbles and Lexa just shakes her head. She bows her head and continues to read her Prophet. “Oi, Griffin! Get over here and talk some sense into your girlfriend.” Raven nearly yells across the Great Hall and Lexa’s head shoots up. Clarke has just walked in, speaking in hushed tones with Bellamy, but now she’s looking over at Raven and Lexa with an amused smile. Lexa is blushing and she pinches Raven’s arm. She jumps and glares over at Lexa. “Ow! What the bloody hell was that for?” She says and Lexa’s jaw is clenched.

“You know very well what that was for.” Lexa hisses and Raven straightens her back and smirks.

“You listen to her a right load better than you listen to me.” Raven shrugs as Clarke makes her excuses to Bellamy and starts to walk over to the Ravenclaw table. She slips onto the bench across from Lexa, whose face is still flushed, and raises an eyebrow.

“What’s she done this time?” She asks, gesturing toward Lexa, who says,

"Absolutely nothing." At the same time that Raven says,

"Gone mad." And Lexa flares her nostrils and kicks the top of Raven's leg. She winces and Lexa smirks.

"Raven's just a little upset with my chosen practice times." Lexa directs toward Clarke.

"You wake us up at the bloody crack of dawn! You’re damn right I’m upset.” Raven exclaims and Clarke snorts.

“If you’re looking for sympathy, Reyes, you got the wrong girl. If Lexa hadn’t booked the pitch every morning, I’d have my team out there myself.” Clarke says and Lexa shoots her a grateful smile because even though she knows Raven’s just complaining to annoy her (because she knows that Raven’s actually a fan of the morning practices - she’s mentioned it while drunk), it is nice to know that she has Clarke on her side. Clarke winks at her and Raven rolls her eyes.

“Fat load of help you are, Griffin.” Raven retorts and Clarke shrugs.

“Sorry.” She says and really, she doesn’t sound sorry at all. “I’ve got to go - Bellamy and I need to talk to Professor Indra about Hogsmeade dates. Everybody’s getting impatient.” Clarke says as she stands from the table. She gives Lexa a wink, which unfortunately, Raven notices. The moment that Clarke’s out of earshot, Raven turns toward Lexa.

“What was that, Cap? Did you uh, let her score on you?” Raven snickers and Lexa’s nostrils flare.

“How long have you been sitting on that one?” Lexa asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Only about ten minutes, I swear.” Raven says through her giggles and Lexa’s surprised it took her that long to make a joke like that. Lexa is the keeper for the Ravenclaw team and Clarke is a chaser for Gryffindor - frankly it was only a matter of time.

“Go to class, Raven. You’re going to be late for Arithmancy.” Lexa says, looking down at her paper because she’s determined to at least get through the front page before class.

“How do you-You know what nevermind.” Raven says and she starts to stand. “I forgot you memorize our schedules because you’re a giant control freak.” Raven continues as she stands and Lexa smirks. “I’ll see you later, Cap.” Raven yells over her shoulder as she’s halfway down the aisle.

Lexa manages to finish only half an article more before the bell rings.

-

They’re bundled up beneath their robes during their Care of Magical Creatures lesson.

Clarke’s brought a blanket and a thermos full of butterbeer (which Lexa doesn’t bother to question - she’s learned by now to just take what Clarke has to offer and not ask questions because she’s _probably_ better off not knowing anyway). They’re sitting rather close to each other on a log across from a few thestrals. It appears that Clarke’s also brought some snacks for them because they’re happily munching in the corner while Clarke and Lexa watch.

Lexa’s got her gloved hands wrapped tightly around the warm mug of butterbeer and she holds it closer to her face, letting the steam warm her nose. Clarke is watching her with a sparkle in her eye and a small smile. “What?” Lexa asks and Clarke shakes her head.

“Nothing.” She says and she looks down at the sketch book in her lap. It’s open to a blank page, and Lexa realizes that it’s coming close to an end. Lexa wonders if she has another. “I used to be scared of you, you know.” Clarke says, looking up at her out of the corner of her eye and Lexa quirks an eyebrow.

“Really? I find that difficult to believe.” Lexa responds but Clarke nods.

“No, it’s true. You intimidated the shit out of me.” She raises her elbow and knocks it gently into Lexa’s side, “But now I know you’re as soft as a sponge cake.” She says with a smile and Lexa lifts her chin.

“I’d beg to differ, Clarke. I’m not soft.” Lexa, rather indignantly, replies and Clarke just shakes her head.

“No, you are. You want people to think that you’re not - that you’re above it all, but I can see right through you.” Clarke comments nonchalantly. She’s started to sketch one of the newborn thestrals that’s just barely able to stand solidly. “You’ve got a heart in there, Lexa. I’ve seen it.” Clarke whispers and she doesn't take her eyes off of the page. Lexa just watches Clarke's profile and she continues to sketch the thestral. "I may not have you all the way pieced together yet, Lexa but I'm getting there." She murmurs, still keeping her eyes on the page. Lexa thinks that if it were anybody else threatening to see straight through her, she'd be scared out of her bloody mind at the prospect.

But with Clarke, it doesn't seem so scary.

Lexa doesn't respond and Clarke doesn't say anything else.

Lexa watches Clarke and Clarke watches the thestrals.

Just before they leave, Clarke holds the sketchbook up in front of her. She squints at it. "I can't get her wing quite right," She murmurs. Lexa glances from the sketch to the subject, a baby thestral with a folded wing, and back again. "She just looks broken." And Lexa furrows her brow.

"Clarke, she _is_ broken." Lexa gestures to the middle of the open patch where the creature is desperately trying to unfold her wing, letting out yelping noises as she does. She never manages to get it more than halfway. Clarke shakes her head.

"No she's not. I know what broken looks like and it's not trying to fly even though the world is telling you that you can't." Clarke says simply, returning her eyes to the page. Lexa watches her but she doesn’t say anything. Under her breath, Clarke starts to hum something. Lexa doesn’t recognize it but the tune is pretty.

And then Clarke starts to sing.

“ _Take this broken wings and learn to fly_.” Clarke sings, still under her breath and Lexa swears she forgets how to breathe. Lexa watches as she doodles the lyrics she had just sung above the picture of the thestral.

“What song is that?” Lexa asks and Clarke goes quiet. She looks at Lexa out of the corner of her eye.

“Blackbird. You’ve never heard it?” Clarke asks with a furrow in her brow. Lexa shakes her head.

“I’m afraid that I haven’t.” Lexa says and Clarke bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head. She stands and puts her her sketchbook in her bag. She reaches her hand down to Lexa.

“Come on,” Clarke says and Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“Where are we going?” She asks and Clarke just shakes her head.

“Don’t worry about it, just come on.” She says, wiggling her fingers. Lexa stares at her outstretched hand for a moment and then she puts her own hand in hers. Clarke smiles and pulls her up.

-

They end up on the 7th floor corridor, their hands still grasped together.

They pause in front of a blank wall and Lexa wonders what on earth Clarke could possibly have to show her...in front of a blank wall.

Clarke glances at her out of the corner of her eye and gives her a half smile.

Lexa realizes that she doesn’t entirely….care of all she has to show her is a blank wall. She’d do anything as long as she got to do it with Clarke.

Clarke winks and then closes her eyes. She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and she keeps her eyes clenched shut. Her grip tightens on Lexa’s hand. “Close your eyes.” She whispers and Lexa does. They remain closed for a few moments and then Clarke’s hand pulls from her own. Lexa’s eyes shoot open at the loss and the first thing she notices is not the large door that’s now appeared on the wall in front of her, but the look of wonder and excitement in Clarke’s eyes.

Clarke turns to her. “Room of Requirement. Ever heard of it?” Clarke asks, gesturing toward the door which Lexa now notices. Lexa furrows her brow and shakes her head.

“Only in legend.” Lexa takes a step closer to the ornately decorated door. She brings her fingers up and drags them across the design. “I had no idea it actually existed.” She murmurs and Clarke steps up next to her.

“Well it does.” And Clarke looks at her out of the corner of her eye. “Only appears when you have a real need for it.” Clarke says and Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“And you have a real need for it?” Lexa asks and Clarke shrugs.

“You’ve never heard The Beatles. Your education is very important.” She replies with a smirk. “You want to keep standing out here admiring the door or do you want to go in?” Clarke asks and Lexa’s shoulders fall and she laughs, knocking Clarke in the side loosely with her fingers.

“Come on then.” Lexa says, putting her hand on the handle of the door and pulling it open.

The room inside is dimly lit with the walls painted a dark shade of red. There’s a fireplace in the corner that’s lit and spitting embers. There are two large chairs in front of it, also dark red, and Lexa wonders if Clarke _wanted_ this place to look like an exact replica of the Gryffindor common room.

There’s a strange contraption in the middle of the room and Clarke’s drifted right over to it. Lexa’s paused on the opposite side and Clarke is messing with a square piece of cardboard. “What is that thing?” Lexa asks and Clarke looks up. She smiles softly. Lexa moves to stand next to Clarke, examining the object.

“It’s a record player.” She nearly whispers and she drags her fingers over the designs. “It looks just like my Father’s. We sold it after he died. My Mum couldn’t stand to look at it.” Clarke stares at it, entranced. “I always loved it. We used to sit in next to it, me in his lap, and listen to all of his old records from the 70s.” She pauses. “I had some of my best memories with him just listening to records together.” And there’s something about the sad look in Clarke’s eyes that makes Lexa want to reach out. So she does. She reaches down and grips Clarke’s hand. She squeezes. Clarke looks up with a grateful smile. Their eyes lock and Lexa’s not sure how long they stare at each other before Clarke finally breaks the eye contact. Their hands stay connected. “Sorry for getting sentimental - that’s not why we’re here.” Clarke says clearing her throat and pulling her hand away from Lexa’s. Immediately, Lexa feels like she’s missing something.

Clarke begins to rifle through the stack of what Lexa presumes to be records with a fond smile on her face and Lexa feels butterflies creep into her stomach and tingling in her fingertips. She wants to reach out, grab her, pull her in close, and kiss the sadness out of her eyes (though rationally she knows a kiss won’t make the hurt disappear but Lexa hates seeing it Clarke’s eyes. Maybe if they kiss, she’ll be able to take it from her. She’d rather bear it because Clarke doesn’t deserve to).

Clarke’s eyes light up and she pulls a record from the stack. She holds it out in front of her with both hands, grinning in delight. “Perfect.” She whispers to herself and she loads the record player. The record is set nicely on the table and Clarke moves the needle just so. “As much as I’d love to listen to all of the White Album right now, I just want you to hear this one.” She says and she drops the needle into place. There’s some static and then finally, the strumming of a guitar and a tapping sound. The melody is nice.

Clarke moves to stand next to her. They’re shoulder to shoulder and their arms are dangling in the empty space between them. As the voice coming from the phonograph gets more intense, Lexa lets her eyes flutter closed.

She feels Clarke’s hand bump against hers once, twice, and then finally, she grabs it, intertwining their fingers.

Lexa doesn’t open her eyes and she hears Clarke’s voice join the mans and she finds it to be much more gratifying to listen to.

The song drifts into an instrumental bridge, and a birdsong accompaniment, and Clarke drifts in front of her. Their hands remain intertwined between them and Lexa hopes that this time, Clarke doesn’t let go. Even if their hands both end up clammy and sweaty, Lexa wants to hold Clarke’s hand for as long as she’ll let her.

(And in this moment, forever seems ideal.)

Lexa doesn’t open her eyes, not even when she feels Clarke’s fingers drift across her cheekbone.

Not even when she feels Clarke’s warm breath against her ear.

Not even when she hears Clarke whisper into her ear the last lyrics of the song, “ _You were only waiting for this moment to arise._ ”

She does though, finally open them when she feels Clarke’s mouth pressed gently against the corner of her own.

Clarke is kissing her.

Well, kind of.

Clarke pulls back, just enough to give Lexa some breathing room but keep her heart racing. She doesn’t move away. “Did you like the song?” She says and Lexa’s a little breathless when she replies,

“When you were singing it.”

And maybe she ought to be embarrassed by just how much the lack of distance is clearly affecting her but she isn’t because really, all she wants to do is pull Clarke closer to her and make sure she hits her mark this time.

But then Clarke’s pulling away and their hands aren’t connected anymore and holy shit, did she just dream that?

Lexa doesn’t move from her spot but Clarke is pulling the needle off of the record and it’s like nothing even happened.

The only thing that assures her that Clarke was that close to her is the tingling at the side of her mouth where Clarke kissed her and the rapid beat of her heart.

-

She’s avoiding Clarke.

There’s not much point in denying it - she tried but she _is_.

She’s skipping Care of Magical Creatures and sitting in the corner of the library near the restricted section where she knows Clarke won’t even look for her. She has a piece of parchment sitting in front of her and an open ink well but she’s not yet dipped her quill into it. She’s staring, blankly, at the stacks in front of her and each time she tries to connect her thoughts for this ridiculous transfiguration essay, she only thinks of Clarke.

And Clarke’s lips.

And that stupid birdsong is stuck in her head and she’s not been able to rid her brain of the melody since they left the Room of Requirement.

Which frankly, Lexa hates. She hates how Clarke has managed to infiltrate every wall she’s managed to build. She built them for a reason - and that reason was not for them to be penetrated by a blonde Gryffindor that a month ago, had been her sworn enemy.

And things were much better then, Lexa thinks. When she hated Clarke.

At least, her heart rate remained steady and she didn’t feel like she was at risk for losing her most recent meal each time she thought of her.

(Or perhaps she did - just for very different reasons.)

Clarke made her feel things that she swore she would never feel again. Not after Costia. Not after what they did to her. She’d vowed to herself that she would never put another person at risk like that again. She’d been frivolous with heart once, let herself love someone completely, and that ended with a shell of a girl, staring up at Lexa with cold confusion and Lexa always being half in love with a girl who no longer existed.

She’d never put Clarke in that sort of danger. She’d never want Clarke to be at risk for losing herself.

And maybe that’s the way that Lexa will get to keep her.

She’s lost in thought, so deeply that she doesn’t hear the chair pull out next to her. It’s not until she notices that there’s a hand waving in front of her face that she’s pulled from her reverie. “Finally. I was starting to think someone had you under the imperius curse, Cap.” Raven says from across the table. Lexa jumps just slightly and Raven smirks. “Bit jumpy, eh?” She continues and Lexa glares. Raven leans back in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” She asks. Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“And how would you know that?” Lexa retorts, straightening her back and shuffling her papers. Raven snorts.

“What, you think you’re the only one with memory skills, Cap? I can look at a schedule and memorize it too.” She replies, kicking one of her legs out and resting it on the edge of Lexa’s chair. The tips of her shoes hit Lexa’s skirt and she shifts away from it. She flicks Raven’s ankle.

“Would you please put your foot down, Raven? I don’t want dirt on my skirt.” She mumbles and Raven leans her head back, groaning.

“Is it uncomfortable?” Raven asks and Lexa furrows her brow.

“What?” She replies and Raven raises an eyebrow.

“That stick up your arse. I mean, it’s shoved so far up there it’s bound to be tickling your brain.” She says calmly and Lexa’s nostrils flare.

“Is there something that you needed, Raven?” She says through clenched teeth, her fingers tightening around her quill. Raven shrugs.

“Spotted you over here by yourself and thought I’d check and see if you’d driven yourself barmy angsting over Griffin yet.” Raven looks down at her nails and Lexa’s face floods with color and she finds herself grateful that Raven isn’t looking at her. She looks down, covering her face with a curtain of hair.

“That would imply that Clarke has any sort of influence on my mental state, or me at all for that matter.” Lexa murmurs, dipping her quill in the inkwell if only to give her hands something to do. Raven snorts.

“Oh come off it. You and I both know you fancy the pants off her. You might as well start doodling Mrs. Lexa Griffin on your parchment.” Raven gestures to Lexa’s still blank piece of parchment and Lexa nearly curses herself for being so….transparent. Still, she lifts her chin in indignation.

“I wouldn’t be so tacky.” Is all she says in response and Raven’s eyes widen. She sits up and puts her elbows on the table in front of her.

“Are you admitting it then?” She asks, rather excitedly and Lexa really wishes she’d stop smirking. Lexa shrugs.

“Seems you’ve got me all figured out. No point in lying to you.” Lexa says and really, that much is true. She’s never really enjoyed lying to Raven.

“Bloody hell, I thought it’d be much more difficult to get that out of you. I’d planned to sneak some veritaserum out of the potions stores and everything.” Raven says and Lexa does manage a chuckle.

“Sorry to ruin your fantasy.” Lexa responds softly. Raven wrinkles her nose and shrugs.

“Eh, no worries, I’ll find some other way to enact my spy fantasies.” She replies and Lexa laughs, loudly this time. She knows that with anybody else she’d have kept her lips stell-o-taped shut but Raven is the closest thing she has to a best friend. And besides, it feels good to get it off her chest. It doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. “So why haven’t you gone after her?” Raven asks, scooting the chair in closer to the table. Lexa’s back stiffens and she looks down at her hands.

“You know why.” Lexa says, her voice stiff. Raven sighs.

“Look, Cap, you can’t keep yourself barricaded behind those walls forever.” Raven leans in, tapping Lexa on the forearm. “Life’s a lonely fucking thing as it is. No need to make it worse for yourself.” She says with a small smile and Lexa just clenches her jaw.

“If I…” Lexa pauses, biting on her lip. Raven’s fingertips are still gently touching the edge of her arm and it’s a bit of a comfort. She continues, “Let myself love her, she’s in danger.” Lexa whispers. She takes a shaky breath. “That’s what caring for me is, Raven. It’s danger.” Lexa says with a little more resolve. “It’s a risk that I can’t ask her to take.” She sighs. “I asked someone to do it once and because of me, she can barely remember who _she_ is, let alone who I am. That’s not a fate I’d like to inflict upon Clarke. I’m not worth it.” Lexa says sharply and she means that. Raven tilts her head.

“Don’t you think that’s a choice she ought to make for herself?” Raven asks and Lexa shakes her head.

“There is no choice here, Raven.” Lexa replies harshly. She pulls her arm away.

“Of course there is. She’s as besotted as you are, Cap. Not letting her in is doing as much damage to her as it’s doing to you.” Raven exclaims, rather loudly, which attracts a few agitated looks from other library patrons. “Oops. Sorry!” She says, waving over at them. Lexa closes her eyes. The idea that Clarke could feel the same way about her….well it makes her heart race. And it makes her feel hopeful. Something she’s not dared let herself feel in a long time. “It won’t kill you to be happy, Lexa.” Raven says softly, using her first name (something she rarely does) and that gets her attention. “Look, I’ve been your friend since we were 12. I’ve only ever seen you smile like you do with her three times. The first is when we won our first championship as a team, the second was in Diagon Alley when you introduced me to Costia, and the third was…..when we won first championship with you as Captain. She makes you goddamn happy, Lexa. You have to take this chance. I won’t forgive you if you don’t.” Raven says and the corner of Lexa’s mouth quirks up.

“You won’t forgive me?” She says and Raven shakes her head.

“Never.” Lexa chuckles. She bites down on her bottom lip, going quiet for a moment.

“I’m scared.” Lexa says and her voice is barely above a whisper. It’s not something she’s used to admitting - voicing her weakness but that’s all that she feels in this moment. Weak. Raven’s fingers gently touch the skin on her arm again .

“I’d be bloody concerned if you weren’t. But you know, the best things come out of being fucking terrified to do something and doing it anyway.” Raven says and maybe that ought to be reassuring but it just makes Lexa’s stomach sink. “Go get your girl, Cap.” Raven says and Lexa looks down at the parchment in front of her. She shrugs.

“After my transfiguration essay.” She grumbles because it really does have to be finished and Raven snorts.

“Fine. After your transfiguration essay.” She replies affectionately.

-

She finishes her transfiguration essay but she doesn’t go after Clarke.

She wants to - she _tries_ to but she can’t get her feet to move. And it strikes her that it’s going to take more than just a library pep talk from Raven to shake the fear.

But now that her feelings for Clarke are out in the open, hanging in the air too high for Lexa to reach up and take back, the thought of seeing Clarke seems...terrifying. Like something she can’t face.

It’s been three days since she’s seen her. Some of it is purposeful - some is simply because of circumstance. She’s been arranging extra practices because her first quidditch game is Saturday and she’s not been on the patrol schedule for the week so she takes the extra time to catch up on work. Or sleep.

The sun is beginning to set and Lexa is on the pitch by herself. She let the rest of the team off early, let them get dinner, but her head won’t quite settle so she sits in the middle of the pitch and watches the sun fall below the horizon line and the sky turn navy. It’s cold and she’s wearing only a tank top and shorts. Goosebumps rise on her arms and she tries to ignore them. She wants to see the sun set.

She’s lost somewhere in her own thoughts when from behind her she hears, “You’re going to freeze to death.”

“It’s barely under 5. I’ll be alright, Clarke.” Lexa murmurs, not turning away from the sun. She feels Clarke step up behind her. They’re silent for a few moments.

“You’re avoiding me.” Clarke says flatly, breaking the silence. Lexa shrugs.

“I haven’t had much free time.” She explains, mimicking Clarke’s flat tone. There’s silence again.

“Can I sit?” She asks. Lexa leans her head backwards, letting her braid fall between her shoulder blades. She shrugs again.

“You’re free to do as you please, Clarke.” Lexa mutters and Clarke sighs. She sits next to her.

Their hands are resting right next to each other, the tips of their pinkies touching. The contact sends shivers up her spine. They’re quiet for a long time until Lexa can’t stand it anymore.

“You terrify me, Clarke.” Lexa says plainly, as if she’s talking about breakfast, not bearing her heart. Clarke’s exhale is loud. Lexa sees her mouth open out of the corner of her eye and she keeps talking before Clarke has a chance to reply. “You may have me nearly pieced together, but I am far from figuring you out.” She says. Clarke’s pinky twitches and then it moves to cover Lexa’s own. She interlocks them.

“I don’t think I’ll ever figure you out.” Clarke murmurs and Lexa doesn’t look at her - she still keeps her eyes trained toward the setting sun. “I don’t think I want to. You keep surprising me, Lexa. In ways I never thought were even possible. I like it.” She pauses. Her pinky tightens around Lexa’s. “I like you.” She says in a near whisper.

And there go the butterflies erupting in Lexa’s stomach. She bites down on her bottom lip to keep from smiling. She opens her mouth. She thinks maybe she can say it back. She can’t. The words she wants to say get caught in her throat and what comes out instead is, “Feelings are weakness, Clarke.” And Clarke’s hand twitches against hers but it doesn’t move.

“Bullshit.” Clarke says simply and Lexa’s eyebrows raise.

“Excuse me?” She says, a bit affronted. Clarke shrugs.

“You don’t really believe that, Lexa. I know you don’t. It’s a fucking defense because you don’t want to let someone else in and give them a chance to hurt you.” Clarke says and she’s trying to hide it but Lexa hears the hurt in her voice. There’s a clenching in her stomach when she realizes that it’s there because of her. “Life doesn’t work that way, Lexa. You can’t just push everybody who gives a shit about you away.” Clarke says and Lexa snorts.

“Yes I can.” She shoots back, “It’s how I survive, Clarke.” And Clarke looks over at her with soft eyes.

“Maybe life should be about more than just surviving. Don’t we deserve better than that?” Clarke says and finally, _finally_ , Lexa looks down and looks Clarke in the eye. She’s just a few inches away from her face now and she’s looking at Lexa’s lips. Lexa takes a shaky breath.

“Maybe we do.” She murmurs and Lexa looks down at Clarke’s mouth. She thinks that she won’t get an opportunity better than this one. She should kiss her. She _wants_ to kiss her.

But she doesn’t.

She pulls back.

“I can’t.” She whispers and Clarke’s hand twitches again and this time moves to pull away but Lexa tightens her grip. She raises her eyes so she’s looking directly at Clarke. “Not yet.” And she tries to communicate with her eyes what she can’t say with her words. That she wants this - wants Clarke, but she’s not ready yet. But someday. Someday she will be and she hopes that Clarke will wait. She hopes that she can be worth the wait. Clarke blinks once and then she nods, slowly.

“Okay.” Is all she says. She leans in and gives Lexa a kiss on the cheek. They sit in silence and they watch the sun slowly disappear and the sky shift into night.

Lexa tries to anchor her fears and hesitations to the sun as it sets, hoping that unlike the sun, they don’t rise the next day.

-

Ravenclaw wins their match against Hufflepuff 310-100.

Clarke sits in the Gryffindor section but wears a Ravenclaw scarf that Lexa is fairly certain Raven stole from Lexa and gave to her. The first thing she does after Anya catches the snitch is find Clarke’s eyes. She gives her a giant grin and a thumbs up. Lexa can’t help but smile back.

Clarke is waiting for her outside on the pitch when she finishes showering. Her hair is in a braid, tossed over her shoulder, and she wears a warm Ravenclaw colored sweater. She’s left her broom in the locker room and her smile is bright when she sees Clarke. Clarke is grinning and she reaches her arms out for a hug. Lexa gladly relaxes her shoulders and wraps her arms around Clarke’s back. Lexa buries her nose in Clarke’s hair, inhaling as much of Clarke as she can manage. In her ear, Clarke whispers, “You were great out there.” And Lexa grins against her hair.

“Thank you for coming.” Lexa replies and Clarke pulls away just slightly.

“Of course. Nowhere else I’d rather be.” She says and Lexa’s heart skips a beat.

It’s when Clarke says things like that that Lexa thinks she’s ready to abandon her fears and jump head first into whatever this is that she has with Clarke. But that feeling never lasts very long because she’s always, very swiftly, reminded exactly why she’s _not_ willing to do that in the first place.

Clarke pulls fully away and she gestures toward the lake with her head. “Fancy a walk?” She asks and Lexa nods. They walk toward the lake and it doesn’t take more than a minute for Lexa to reach and grab Clarke’s hand. Even if they’re not….anything yet, she can still hold her hand, right? Besides, she likes the feel of it against hers. That ought to be a good enough reason.

They make small talk about the game for a while and Lexa is quick to catch onto the fact that something is bothering Clarke. She won’t make eye contact. Lexa finally brings them to a halt beneath a willow tree. “What is it Clarke? I can see that something is clearly bothering you.” Lexa says with as much sympathy as she’s able to muster. Clarke bites down on her bottom lip.

“Tell me about Costia.” Clarke says in a voice that’s just above a whisper and Lexa’s eyes widen. She blinks and heartbeat accelerates.

“I’ve already told you.” Lexa says, trying not to stumble over her words. Clarke shakes her head.

“I know you’ve mentioned her but Raven told me to ask because knowing might help me understand you better and I wasn’t going to, not initially, but I do actually really want to know.” She pauses. “You don’t have to tell me, not if you don’t want to.” She finishes and Lexa almost wants to run away. Lock herself in the tower and avoid this.

But she can’t.

She can’t keep Costia in her closet full of skeletons forever.

She sighs. She pulls her hand out of Clarke’s and moves to lean against the trunk of the willow tree. “We met when I was 12. I was reading beneath a tree in the park and she was playing football with a few of the boys from down the street. She kicked the ball a little too far and it nearly hit me in the head. I was fuming, ready to tell off the boy who did it, but she came running toward me with a worried look on her face and I couldn’t bring myself to berate her.” Lexa smiles at the memory. “She taught me how to play. She didn’t even question why I didn’t know how. She never asked questions about me or my habits or why my parents never left our home. She gave me the space to tell her myself.” Lexa leans her head back, looking up at the branches of the trees. This part is easy enough to talk about. The good stuff, the happy stuff. The things she wants to remember. “We started dating, in an official capacity, when I was 14. It was the summer before fourth year and it had dawned on me at some time during the year that the reason I didn’t feel whole while I was here was because Costia wasn’t. I kissed her the first time underneath the same tree where we first met. It was...poetic. And perfect. Everything I ever dreamed or hoped it could be.” Lexa continues, her voice soft and the corner of her mouth pulling into a smile. She goes quiet for a few seconds.

“Do you need to take a break?” Clarke asks and Lexa shakes her head. No. She has to keep going. If she stops now, she may not ever continue.

“Summer before sixth year, my parents finally found out about us. They handled it about as well as I had anticipated.” That was, if anything, an understatement, “They uh, forced me to bring her to them. They’re very hard people to say no to, though now I really wish that I had the courage to do so.” She pauses, swallowing the lump in her throat. “We’re purebloods. No one in my family has married outside of the ‘approved’ families in centuries. They’re purists in the most radical of ways. Even though we were only teenagers, they looked down at Costia, who was a muggle, as if she was tainting me. Making me less pure. Making my _blood_ less pure.” Lexa clenches her jaw. “My Father held her as my Mother pointed the wand at her head to clear all of the memories of me from her brain.” Lexa smiles, though it’s bitter. “They didn’t mind that she was a girl. They minded that she was a muggle. So they took her from her and told me that if I tried to go near her, or any other muggle, or muggleborn, girl again, they would do it again and to me as well.” Lexa finishes her story with tears welling in her eyes though she tries to blink them back because she’s stronger than this.

She doesn’t want this story to define her.

Seconds later, Clarke is in front of her, lifting her thumb and wiping the few tears that managed to escape out from beneath the bottom of her eyes. She isn’t staring at her with pity or with sadness. Instead, there’s tenderness in Clarke’s eyes. She runs her finger down Lexa’s cheek, traces her lips with the pad of her thumb, before letting it fall to her side again. “You are unbelievably strong, Lexa.” Clarke murmurs and Lexa shakes her head.

“No, Clarke. I’m weak. I was too weak to refuse my parents. I was too weak to protect her.” She looks down, “I’d be too weak to protect you.” Lexa whispers and Clarke’s fingers are underneath her chin, pushing it up so she can look into Clarke’s eyes.

“I can protect myself, Lexa.” Clarke murmurs and it hits Lexa then that even though Clarke knows what the risks attached to her are now, she still wants this. She still wants _them_.

“I don’t want you to have to.” Lexa replies and Clarke shakes her head. “That’s the whole point of all of this, Clarke.” Her resolve is getting weaker and she knows that all Clarke will have to do is ask her to give this a shot and she’d give in in a second.

“I want you, Lexa.” Clarke says plainly. She takes another step toward Lexa. “I don’t care what the risks are because you are worth every single one of them.” She reaches down and grabs Lexa’s palm and brings it to rest against her chest, just above her heart, which is beating rapidly. “Do you feel that?” Clarke asks and Lexa nods. “That’s what you do to me.” Lexa looks into Clarke’s eyes. There’s nothing but steely determination in them. “I’m not going to give up on someone who does that to me.” Clarke whispers and she’s staring at Lexa with more passion and intensity than Lexa’s ever seen in her life.

And Lexa can’t take it anymore. She moves her hand that’s resting on Clarke’s chest up the bare skin of her neck and weaves it into Clarke hair. She takes a step forward.

And then she kisses her.

She feels Clarke stiffen underneath her in surprise and for a moment, Lexa is worried that somehow, this wasn’t what Clarke wanted. But then she melts into the kiss and wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist, pulling her as tightly to her as she can. The kiss isn’t long but it’s enough to make Lexa dizzy. She pulls back, just slightly, and says, “I want you too.”

Clarke smiles and it’s the prettiest fucking thing Lexa has seen in her goddamn life.

“Thank fucking Merlin.” Clarke mutters and Lexa laughs, kissing her again.

-

Lexa takes Clarke back to the Ravenclaw common room, where much of the after party has died down or moved to a different location. They sit together on a royal blue couch in front of the fireplace. Clarke is curled into Lexa’s side and Lexa is dragging her fingers lightly across Clarke’s arm, drawing patterns against her skin. They aren’t speaking but they don’t need to. It’s enough to just be next to her.

Raven comes down the stairs and she stops in her tracks when she sees Clarke tucked into Lexa’s side. Her eyes widen. “Bloody hell, did you two finally get your shit together?” She exclaims and Lexa bites her lip. Clarke turns her head up, pressing a gentle kiss to Lexa’s jawline, which just makes her grin. That’s apparently all of the answer that Raven needs because she smirks. “Took you two long enough. I was thinking about locking you two in a closet until one of you gave in and jumped the others bones.” She continues and Clarke starts to giggle against Lexa’s chest.

“Raven, we attend a school of magic. We’d have been able to unlock the doors.” Lexa mutters, her fingers still drawing figure eights over Clarke’s skin. Raven rolls her eyes.

“Well it’s a damn good thing it didn’t come to that then.” She says and Lexa just shakes her head, the small smile that’s been on her face since she first pulled away from Clarke still present.

“Shouldn’t you be celebrating, Raven?” Lexa asks because normally following a victory, Raven is the one...enjoying herself the most. Raven looks as though she’s trying to suppress a smirk and she says,

“Don’t you worry about me, Cap. I’m getting mine.” She says, devilishly and Lexa makes a face.

“Put on a tie on the door, would you?” Lexa asks and Raven gives Lexa a mock salute.

“Aye aye, Captain.” She says. “Right, I’ve got to owl Bellamy and let him know that Octavia won the bet.” She mutters, turning back toward the dormitories. Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“Did you know they were betting on us?” She asks. Clarke shakes her head.

“Not in the slightest.” Lexa laughs and leans her head down to rest on top of Clarke’s.

She feels….right when she’s tucked beneath her arm and molded into her side. Like she’s a piece of a jigsaw puzzle cut perfectly to fit where Lexa needed her to. “You’re beautiful, Clarke.” Lexa whispers against her hair because she’s not sure that she’s ever told her that and she deserves to be told every single day.

“You’re lucky red’s a good color on me or I’d be mad at you for making me blush.” Clarke murmurs. Lexa doesn’t say anything, she just kisses the top of Clarke’s head and she tries not to think about how easy this is. How hugging Clarke, kissing Clarke, _touching_ Clarke, feels like coming home.

It’s starting to get late and Lexa knows that Clarke has patrol (because it’s a weekend and nobody is willing to take the weekend spots except for the head students). “You need to go soon.” Lexa murmurs against Clarke’s head. Clarke groans and just huddles in closer to Lexa’s side.

“Nobody will know if I don’t.” She replies, though the sound is muffled because her face is pressed against Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa nudges her with it.

“You’re head girl, Clarke. You have responsibilities and-”

“And it’s nice to get away from them for a little while. But you’re right. I have to patrol. I’m supposed to be meeting Bellamy near the Great Hall….5 minutes ago. Bpllocks.” Then Clarke is rushing to stand up and she moves toward the entrance and Lexa, very dutifully, follows behind her. Clarke turns, puts a hand on her cheek, and gives her a kiss goodbye.

Lexa isn’t sure how long she stands in front of the door, a giddy smile on her face, her fingers gently touching her still tingling lips.

-

They go a month before Lexa realizes that they’ve never….specified what they are.

She’s sitting at the Ravenclaw table, a book on animagus transformations open in front of her, watching Clarke have dinner with Octavia and Bellamy at the Gryffindor table from just above the edges of the book she’s not really even reading.

They were spending the meal apart, for the first time since they’d kissed, because Clarke mentioned that Octavia made a comment about missing her company so they’d agreed to spend the evening apart.

That doesn’t mean that Lexa is able to keep her eyes off of Clarke. In fact, she finds that to be an impossibility. It’s like she magnetized to her. Her eyes always find her, no matter what.

She notices a redheaded Hufflepuff slide into the empty spot next to Clarke and her grip tightens on the book. Lexa can tell by the way she’s leaning in, resting her chin on her palm, and practically batting her eyelids that she’s flirting.

Clarke looks attentive, though not overly interested, and Lexa tries to look away because there’s no reason for her to….

Then the girl reaches her hand out, drags it down Clarke’s arm, and her eyebrows quirk suggestively and that’s when Lexa’s stomach churns. She wants to stand up and go over there and tell that girl to keep her hands off of her…..her what? They’d never talked about labels. They spent too much time...not talking for the subject to even come up.

Clarke is free to flirt with whomever she pleases, if she chooses to do so, because Lexa isn’t her girlfriend.

She doesn’t think.

But she doesn’t want to watch it happen so she stands quickly and makes her way out of the Great Hall, her stomach still churning.

She takes the long way back to the Ravenclaw common room, trying to sort through her thoughts. For someone who values logic as much as she does, she’d really one a shoddy job of thinking through this.

She wants Clarke to be her girlfriend. She isn’t in the business of _sharing_.

She walks into her dorm with a scowl on her face and tense shoulders. Raven is reclining on her bed, her feet tossed on Anya’s lap. She immediately notices the look on Lexa’s face. “What crawled up your arse and died?” Raven asks and at any other point in time, Lexa would have at least been amused but all she does is give Raven a harsh glare. Raven’s eyes widen. She gives Anya a look that Lexa doesn’t see but it clearly says enough for Anya to climb off the bed and push past Lexa out of the dorm. Raven sits up on her bed. “Really, what happened?” She asks and Lexa huffs. She sits down on her bed, crossing her ankles.

“Someone was flirting with Clarke.” Lexa says gruffly and Raven raises an eyebrow.

“So? Did you punch them in the eye and Clarke get mad at you for it?” She asks. Lexa shakes her head.

“I couldn’t. She’s not my girlfriend, Raven.” Lexa says flatly and now Raven starts to laugh. Lexa furrows her brow. She waits until Raven finishes laughing. She glares when Raven’ giggles finally quiet. She notices the look on Lexa’s face and sobers up, “Wait, you’re being serious?” She asks and Lexa nods.

“We haven’t had the occasion to discuss our relationship status.” Lexa says stiffly. Raven groans.

“I thought you were supposed to be the smart one.” Raven says and Lexa just looks down at her lap. She knows this….isn’t her proudest moment. “You have to talk to her, Cap. She’s probably agonizing over this as much as you are, if not more because she’s likely more aware of it.” Raven leans in and the look in her eyes goes from amused to serious, “She won’t bring it up. She wants this to go at your pace, Lexa. She knows your shit and she doesn’t want to rush you. Quaffle’s on your side of the pitch, Cap.” Raven finishes and…..that’s hadn’t occurred to Lexa. She stands immediately from her bed, giving Raven a clap on the shoulder,

“Thank you, Raven.” Lexa says sincerely. Raven rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. One day I’m going to stop helping you.” She says and Lexa smirks.

“No you won’t.” She says affectionately and Raven just shoos her away. She’s not exactly sure where Clarke is, though she hopes it’s not the Gryffindor common room because really, she’s not a fan of the decor in there.

She’s halfway down the steps to the Great Hall when she bumps into someone. She lifts her head to apologize, only to see that it’s Clarke. Lexa’s shoulders relax and she lets out a breath. “Oh good, I was just looking for you.” She says and Clarke grins. “We have to talk.” She blurts and she watches as Clarke’s grin falls completely from her face and her eyes widen.

“That never means anything good.” She mumbles but she nods, “Room of Requirement?” She asks and Lexa nods. That’s kind of become….their place. Somewhere they can go where nobody can bother them. It feels nice, having somewhere they can go that’s just theirs.

They’re quiet during the walk and Clarke is fidgeting with her hands, not even reaching down to try and grab Lexa’s own.

The room behind the door is similar to the one they had when they first visited the room, though now there are bits of blue and bronze strewn across the decor. There’s a little bit of both of them in here. It’s nice. They sit in the big chairs across from the fireplace and Clarke is facing Lexa. She’s biting down on her bottom lip and she’s twisting the skin on the tops of her fingers, a habit Lexa has quickly come recognize as a sign of nervousness. Lexa reaches out and rests a hand on top of Clarke’s two, nearly intertwined hands, to calm them down. “This isn’t anything bad, Clarke.” Lexa assures and Clarke looks up, her eyes wide.

“Alright,” She murmurs and Lexa can tell that she doesn’t quite believe her. She squeezes her hand and takes a deep breath.

“What are we, Clarke?” She asks, her words a little rushed and smushed together but she wanted to get them out before she chickened out. Clarke furrows her brow.

“What?” She asks and Lexa lifts her chin.

“We’ve been just...making out for a month Clarke, I need to know what we are. How we’re defining this.” She says simply and she watches the tension drain from Clarke’s body as her shoulders relax and her jaw unclenches.

“I...I was waiting on you to do that.” Clarke says and Lexa makes a mental note to thank Raven because for some reason, she’s a lot more in tune with this kind of thing than Lexa has ever given her credit for. Lexa takes a deep breath.

“This isn’t something that I’m used to. With Costia….one day, she just introduced me to her friends as her girlfriend and that was that. Simple. I don’t know how this works.” Lexa whispers and Clarke leans in now.

“It works however you want it to, Lexa. We are whatever you want us to be.” Clarke says softly and with such gentleness that Lexa feels as if her heart is going to explode at any moment because there is none of this that she deserves. She didn’t do anything to deserve Clarke or how well Clarke treats her. But she has her and she knows how goddamn lucky she is.

She shifts their hands to intertwine their fingers. She looks Clarke in the eye. “I want you to be my girlfriend, Clarke.”

The smile on Clarke’s face is bright enough to rival the one after the kiss and Lexa thinks that she’ll never tire of seeing it. Not when she’s the cause. “I’d like to be your girlfriend.” She says in response. Lexa leans in further, connecting their foreheads. She looks into Clarke’s eyes and something bubbles in her stomach and brings three words to the forefront of her mind that she’s not ready to say quite yet but she _feels_ it. She feels it everywhere.

She kisses Clarke so she doesn’t say anything.

From the middle of the room, the phonograph starts to play a song that Lexa doesn’t recognize. It isn’t one that Clarke has played for her. Clarke pulls her mouth away from Lexa’s and pulls their hands apart. She moves to stand and then extends her arm down toward Lexa. “Dance with me.” She says, wiggling her fingers. Lexa furrows her brow.

“I don’t know how to dance, Clarke.” She says with seriousness. Clarke shrugs.

“I don’t care. Come on!” She exclaims and really, that’s all it takes because Lexa is hardly ever in a position to say no to Clarke. She puts her hand in Clarke’s and allows herself to be pulled to the middle of the room. Clarke situates Lexa’s arms around her neck and wraps her own around Lexa’s waist, She pulls herself flush against Lexa’s torso, resting her head on her shoulder. They aren’t really dancing so much as they swaying to the melody of the song but they’re holding each other and really, Lexa doesn’t want to be anywhere else, doing anything else, with anybody else.

This is exactly where she wants to be.

With Clarke.

She’d go anywhere as long as she went with Clarke.

“Let me take you on a date.” Clarke murmurs from against her chest. Lexa pauses.

“What?” She asks.

“A date. You do know what those are?” Clarke replies, teasing. Lexa rolls her eyes, gently tapping her on the back of the shoulder in mock-admonishment.

“Of course.” She says and Clarke turns her head so she’s looking up at her.

“Then let me say it again. Let me take you on a date.” She continues and Lexa’s smile is shy. Slowly, she nods.

“Alright, Clarke. You can take me on a date.”

-

Their date happens two weeks later.

It’s the second trip to Hogsmeade for the school year and it’s nearing the end of November. The weather is cold and the wind makes it even worse. It’s raining more often than not, sometimes even snowing, but there isn’t much that can keep Hogwarts students away from Hogsmeade.

Clarke meets Lexa outside of the Ravenclaw common room, a half wilted orange rose in her hand. She holds it out to Lexa when she sees her, grinning. “It was the only one I could find on short notice.” She says and Lexa laughs.

The previous night, they’d talked about flowers and Lexa mentioned her affinity for orange roses and how much they reminded her of the sky during a particularly beautiful sunrise or sunset. She’d never expected Clarke to get her flowers, of any sort, and her stomach is bubbling and those words are dancing on the tip of her tongue so she bites down on it. Not yet. She goes back into the dorm to put the flower in water but she’s back to Clarke quickly and they grab hands and head down to the carriages.

They manage to get one to themselves and their intertwined hands are resting on Lexa’s thigh. She’s gently rubbing the pad of her thumb across Clarke’s knuckles when she says, “This is my first real date.” It’s nearly a whisper and just barely loud enough for Clarke to hear but she does.

“You never want on dates with Costia?” Clarke asks and Lexa shakes her head.

“No. My parents would never allow it. I had a curfew.” She says and Clarke purses her lips as though she wants to say something mean but she doesn’t.

“Well at least that means you won’t have anything to compare this to. I don’t have to try so hard.” Clarke says teasingly and Lexa smirks.

“Oh no, I still expect to be swept off my feet, Clarke Griffin.” She says and Clarke smiles. She leans in and kisses Lexa swiftly.

“I’ll do my best,” She says, her mouth still pressed lightly against Lexa’s.

-

She is.

Swept off her feet that is.

Clarke hardly lets her open a door for herself and she pays for their butterbeers and their lunch.

They part ways for only a few minutes when Lexa slips into Scrivenshaft’s in order to buy Clarke a new sketchbook for the one that is now incredibly overfilled. She’d missed her birthday but she figures a belated gift is better than no gift at all.

They meet back up in Honeydukes where Clarke buys entirely too much candy that Lexa knows she won’t eat because she still has a stash from the last trip underneath her bed that’s only half gone.

But Lexa knows well enough not to suggest that she not buy them. Clarke can’t say no to her own sweet tooth.

They finish their day in front of the shrieking shack. Clarke has her arm around Lexa’s waist and Lexa’s is thrown across Clarke’s shoulders. She’s got Clarke pulled as close to her as she can manage. Clarke leans her head against Lexa’s shoulder. “Had to have been a nice looking place in it’s hayday.” Clarke says and Lexa tries to suppress a snort.

“I don’t think this place ever had a ‘hayday’” Lexa replies and Clarke wrinkles her nose.

“Every place has a peak. So does every person. A time when they’re at their best.” Clarke murmurs. “Though I admit, it’s not my style.” She says, narrowing her eyes at the tiny house in the distance. “I’d like something a little more….modern. With some windows. And a door still on its hinges.” She continues. Lexa turns her head and looks at it contemplatively.

“I don’t know. Something like this, something with charm and character may not be so bad. Better than living in a glorified museum.” Lexa mutters, trying not to think about her home.

“When we graduate, we’ll find something nice.” Clarke whispers and Lexa’s fingers tense against Clarke’s shoulders. After graduation. That implies a future. That implies that Clarke _wants_ a future with her. She smiles.

“I’d like that.” She replies. Clarke turns her head to look up at her.

“I can’t promise I won’t decorate it so it looks identical to the Gryffindor common room.” She says seriously and Lexa shakes her head.

“If you so much as even put a red throw pillow on a couch, I will move out.” She replies and she can’t quite keep her serious tone because the idea of living with Clarke, making a life with Clarke outside of Hogwarts makes her feel something she hasn’t felt in a long time.

She might still be terrified of her parents now but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Clarke makes her want to be brave.

It occurs to her that she’s willing to face whatever, and whoever, for Clarke. For a chance at building something solid with her. She doesn’t feel weak when she thinks about it (well, she does though that weakness is mostly just in her knees). In fact, all she feels is….happy.

Clarke makes her happy. Happier than she’s been in years. Happier than she’s ever thought she deserved to be. After Costia, she was sure she’d never get a chance to care for someone again. She thought she’d never _give_ herself that chance. But she has.

So as she stands in front of the fence, tossing design ideas about their theoretical apartment, Lexa accepts that she is truly, completely, in love with Clarke Griffin.


	3. enchanted to meet you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't apologize enough for the fact that this is over a year overdue but here's the last part! i hope it lives up to expectations!

They stay at Hogwarts for Christmas. Lexa always does. Home never feels like home, even during the Christmas season. She’s always preferred Ravenclaw tower. Clarke, who can’t seem to stand the idea of her spending the holiday alone even though she’d insisted she’d be just fine, had decided to stay as well. She’d said her Mother wouldn’t miss her. She spends most of her days in the hospital anyway. Lexa had tried to keep her cluelessness to herself but that remained quite difficult to do when her face always seemed to betray her.

It’s Christmas Eve and they’re entangled together in front of a faux fire in the Room of Requirement. While both of their common rooms would be rather empty, they preferred this quiet space of their own. It was something that was just theirs. Plus, they didn’t have to worry about Raven’s sniggering interrupting a moment like it had been apt to do since they’d gotten together.

Clarke’s head is resting against her chest and her fingers are playing with the edges of Lexa’s hair. Lexa’s hand is stroking the back of Clarke’s head. “What are your plans for after school?” Clarke says, breaking the silence. Lexa bites her lip. It’s a good question. After O.W.L year, she’d taken up subjects to become an auror. Her grades had been good enough but, she’s not sure that’s really where her life’s passion is. Though she’s not sure what else would be. She’s never been good at anything else.

“Auror, I suppose,” she mumbles without much conviction. Clarke turns up her head.

“Don’t sound too passionate about it, you might explode,” Clarke jokes and Lexa smiles, continuing to play with Clarke’s hair.

“I do possess the skills but,” she pauses.“It’s not my first choice,” she finishes. Clarke straightens up. She looks Lexa in the eyes and Lexa lowers her own gaze. There’s a certain sense of shame that still comes attached to voicing her own desires, or perhaps a lack thereof.

“Well what is then?” she asks. Lexa shrugs. Clarke reaches over and grabs her hand. She strokes the top of her knuckles with her thumb. “You can tell me. Unless your life’s ambition is to become a mass murderer, I swear to Merlin I won’t judge you,” Clarke reassures and there’s a surge of something in Lexa that’s just electric. It overwhelms her and there are words pushing at her teeth that she’s not nearly ready to say but they’re the only thing that she can  _ think _ . She closes her eyes for a moment and counts backwards from five. The urge to bare her heart has subsided some and she feels like she can speak now.

“You know? I actually don’t know. Auror is what I was told I should be but I have no idea where my passion truly lies,” she finally confesses. Clarke’s face sets into a sympathetic grin and with her free hand, she touches Lexa’s cheek. She leans in.

“It’s okay that you don’t have it figured out. You’re allowed. I’m proud of you for admitting it,” she whispers before she leans in for a kiss. Lexa nearly ruins it because she can’t quite stop smiling. Clarke pulls back and Lexa’s cheeks are still bright red, a habit she can’t quite shake. Blushing after a kiss.

 

“Enough about me. How about you?” she replies, eager to change the subject and take the attention off of her. Clarke bites her lip. She leans her head back against the couch and fixes her stare toward the ceiling, which changes from its plain coloring to a mural of the sky.

“Healer,” she murmurs. “It’s the closest thing to a doctor this world has,” Clarke continues and as her focus on the mural intensifies, the stars begin to move. “I painted this,” Clarke mumbles. The stars continue to move and they rearrange themselves into the shape of a heart. “Not on the ceiling but on a canvas. I didn’t know I could make the stars move,” Clarke says, her voice something close to a whisper.

“You’re a witch, Clarke. You can do anything,” and Lexa intends for that to be about the magic but the words carry a weight that she doesn’t intend. She sees the way the words hit Clarke, her hitch in breath visible.

“Do you believe that?” Clarke asks and Lexa tilts her head.

“Believe what?”

“That magic can help you do anything,” Clarke clarifies and Lexa shifts, resting her head on Clarke’s shoulder.

“Maybe,” Lexa contemplates. “It’s all I’ve ever known. I have to hope it does,” Lexa manages to organize her thoughts, a particularly difficult feat when she’s inhaling the scent of Clarke’s shampoo and it’s honestly quite intoxicating. Clarke lowers her eyes and turns her head toward Lexa. Their foreheads are barely inches from each other.

“Do you think you could ever live as a muggle?” Clarke asks and it takes Lexa by surprise. She’s never considered it. She doesn’t know a life without magic, she never has. Her mobile had been enchanted to play when she woke up, saving her parents from waking up to comfort her. Magic has been her whole existence. But Clarke is looking at her with something like hope and she thinks that as long as she’s with Clarke, she could live anywhere. Clarke’s her own special kind of magic.

“I suppose that I could, for the right reasons,” Lexa carefully replies. Her answer seems to satisfy Clarke, who doesn’t say anything else. They stare up at the dancing stars for a little while longer. Lexa feels herself beginning to doze off. Her head is heavy and she can barely keep her eyes open. Her head is on Clarke’s chest and she feels a light kiss being pressed to her forehead. “I’d go anywhere for you,” Lexa whispers though she’s half asleep and it’s nothing she would say at full consciousness.

But she means it.

-

They wake up still tangled in each other.

Somehow, their presents found a way into the Room of Requirement. Lexa suspects the house elves had something to do with it. Those creatures alway seemed to know exactly where you were. She wonders if perhaps they had a map that showed where everyone was at all times.

That would be something.

Lexa wakes Clarke up by kissing her on the cheek and it strikes Lexa just how...childlike she is when she sleeps. She’s a blank slate. Lexa wonders if she looks the same. “Our presents are here, love,” Lexa murmurs and Clarke’s eye opens.

“Love?” Clarke repeats back and Lexa’s face flushes. Clarke smirks then and she sits up. She leans in and kisses Lexa, a short peck but enough considering they’re both likely to have morning breath. “How’d they know we were here?” Clarke asks, side-eyeing the pile of presents in front of them. Lexa shrugs.

“It’s magic, Clarke,” Lexa teases and Clarke elbows her in the ribs gently. She’s damn lucky she’s cute or she most certainly would  _ not  _ have gotten away with that. Lexa encourages Clarke to go first, eager for her to see her present. It’d been more work than she’d anticipated but it wasn’t anything she wasn’t willing to do for Clarke.

Lexa watches as she opens gifts from her parents, a friend back home, and one of her roommates, Octavia. Finally, she gets to hers. “Best for last,” Clarke says and Lexa ignores the rapid beating of her heart. She’s already ready to offer apologies and to take it back, just in case. Slowly, Clarke pulls off the wrapping paper and it’s agony to watch her do it. Lexa thinks she’s intentionally going incredibly slowly just to rile her up. Finally, the wrapping paper comes off and Clarke’s staring at a plain cardboard box. She raises an eyebrow.

“Just open it,” Lexa says and she does. The first thing she pulls out is the necklace. A small bird dancing on a gold chain. “If you don’t think it’s appropriate, I can take it back,” Lexa starts and then pauses, “actually I can’t it was specially made but,” and Clarke cuts her off by throwing her arms around her neck.

“It’s gorgeous,” Clarke whispers against her neck and Lexa feels the tension leave her shoulders. Thank Merlin. As much as Lexa is enjoying the hug, there are still more pieces to her gift. 

“I hope you don’t think you’re finished yet,” Lexa says, enjoying the sound of Clarke’s laughter.

She brings her attention back to the box. Inside, there’s a record player. Identical to the one they’d found in the room that afternoon. “I know it’s not your Father’s but it’s the closest I could find,” Lexa replies and she fears that she overstepped a boundary with this gift. It wasn’t quite her place to find it but she’d seen the way Clarke looked at it, heard the tender way she spoke about the memories she’d created with her Father surrounding it, and she couldn’t help herself. She knows that there are pieces of Clarke’s heart that won’t ever be patched up but she’s going to do everything she can to help her feel as whole again as she possibly can.

Clarke is staring at the machine in awe. She looks up, her mouth hanging open, and she shakes her head. There are tears spilling out of her eyes and Lexa  _ knows  _ she made a mistake. The guilt fills her.

But then Clarke is reaching across and pulling her in for a kiss. Okay. Maybe she didn’t fuck up. “This is incredible, you’re incredible,” Clarke whispers against her lips and Lexa smiles.

“I’m glad you like it,” Lexa replies and Clarke pulls back.

“I more than like it. Lexa. This is the best present I’ve ever gotten,” Clarke states quite seriously and Lexa feels herself blushing. She wishes she could stop that.

They set up the record player and, because they had a need of it, a wall full of records appeared in front of them. Lexa smiles up at it. “I love this room,” she says. There’s no response and Lexa turns her head. Clarke is staring at the, admittedly much smaller, pile of presents that still rests on the table. Oh. Right. She still had gifts to open. She’s not entirely too used to that.

“Did you just forget they were here?” Clarke asks and Lexa shrugs.

“I don’t typically have presents to open,” Lexa states and there’s no sadness in her voice. It’s simply a fact. Her parents never bothered and Raven usually gave her the gift of not bothering her for twenty four hours. But this year there’s Clarke and she doesn’t know why but she’d hardly expected anything though she shelled out more than her fair share on Clarke’s present.

“It’s nothing compared to what you gave me,” Clarke says, handing her package over with bright red cheeks. Lexa reaches across the space between them with one hand. She rests it on Clarke’s cheek, wiping a few spare tears with the pad of her thumb.

“It’s enough that you even gave me anything,” Lexa says and Clarke nods into her hand. She drops it then and brings her attention back to the gift in front of her. It’s flat and Lexa wastes no time in ripping the paper off of it.

When it’s exposed, Lexa gasps. It’s stunning.

It’s a drawing of the thestral with the broken wing they had seen during care of magical creatures, flying. “Clarke….” Lexa trails off because she doesn’t even know the right words to properly convey how wonderful this is.

“I told you, it’s not much,” Clarke says with a shrug and Lexa shakes her head.

“It must have taken you ages,” Lexa says, still quite in awe of the drawing. The realistic way it looks, the way it seamlessly moves as it were simply a moving photograph.

“Only two weeks. It was an experiment. I’ve always wanted to try a more stop motion approach and I thought this was the best way to do it,” Clarke explains and Lexa is fairly certain her hands have never held anything more beautiful in them (except for Clarke herself).

When she kisses Clarke in thanks, she tries to put as much emotion into it as she can.

-

The holiday’s pass in a blur of dinners in the great hall, Clarke snuggled up underneath Lexa’s arm, two person snowball fights, and fires in the room of requirement. Almost too quickly, term is picking back up again and Lexa is faced with the next hurdle: the match against Gryffindor.

“I’ll go easy on you,” Clarke says, taking a bite of toast and Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“I think it’s me who needs to go easy on you,” Lexa retorts, stabbing her eggs. Her free hand is resting on Clarke’s thigh and she’s drawing figure eights on her bare skin. Raven is sitting across from them and her nose is wrinkled. She sticks her tongue out and mocks a gag. 

“I’m nauseated,” she comments, looking back and forth between them. Clarke snickers.

“Don’t be jealous, Raven,” she replies and underneath the table, Clarke hooks her foot around Lexa’s ankle and drags it up the side of her calf. Lexa bites her lip and tries to keep her eyes from widening too much. Clarke starts to smirk. Raven watches them and she rolls her eyes.

“You two are playing footsie again aren’t you?” she asks and Lexa’s sure her bright red face gives them away. Raven shakes her head and stands.

“I’m going to class. Please put a tie on the door if you plan on utilizing our dormitory for your illicit activities,” Raven states and she stalks away. Lexa watches her leave, her eyes inquisitive.

“Does she seem….angrier than usual to you?” Lexa asks, her eyes still on the entrance to the great hall, though Raven has now left it. Clarke shrugs.

“Maybe a little?” Clarke replies and her hand falls onto Lexa’s. Clarke laces her fingers through Lexa’s and squeezes. “She’ll be alright,” Clarke tries to assure her but Lexa is hardly convinced. She knows Raven and something is off. Something she can’t quite place. She’ll have to discuss it with her later. “So….feel like skiving off care of magical creatures and exploring the third floor broom closets?” Clarke asks with a raise of her eyebrows. The tips of Lexa’s ears go red.

“We can’t,” she says through clenched teeth. Clarke’s free hand is playing with the necklace against her chest and her thumb just happens to catch the edge of her blouse to pull it down. The skin on her chest is exposed and Lexa can see just the top of her lace bra - that happens to be the  _ exact  _ shade of Ravenclaw blue. Lexa swallows.

“I did some shopping. Do you like it?” Clarke eyes, her eyes wide and playful. Lexa thinks that if she opens her mouth the only thing she’ll be able to do is scream so she just nods. “I can show you the whole thing if you would just agree to skip lessons,” Clarke teases and Lexa’s lips purse. The offer is tempting, it really is, and Lexa is just about to say yes when the care of magical creatures professor walks by.

“See you ladies in class!” he says as he passes them and Clarke deflates.

“Bollocks,” she says.

“For what it’s worth, I was about to say yes,” Lexa adds and Clarke glares.

“Not helping, love,” Clarke replies and Lexa’s stomach flips at her usage of ‘love’. Lexa knows she used it first but she never quite tires of hearing Clarke say it. They haven’t said ‘I love you’ yet but Lexa feels it every single day. She loves Clarke. She knows she does. It’s just a matter of shaking the fear that clings to her back long enough to say it.

They walk outside, clasped hands dangling between them. “Are you ready for the match on Saturday?” Clarke asks and if Lexa is being honest, she really isn’t. Clarke and Lexa haven’t played against each other since they started dating. Well, even since they became friends.

Lexa doesn’t know that she’s going to be able to put Clarke aside long enough to focus solely on the game. Quidditch comes with a certain level of risk. Bludgers are flying everywhere and Lexa has long since accepted the risk to herself. There’s never been anyone else for her to care about. But now there’s Clarke. And Clarke is half of her. She’ll be equally as worried about her as she is for herself.

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous,” Lexa admits, hesitantly. Clarke looks over at her, smirking.

“Scared my team is going to kick your arse?”she asks and Lexa shakes her head. She pauses and tugs on Clarke’s arm so she stops as well.

“Clarke I’m serious. I….,” she pauses. “I’m worried I’ll be  _ too  _ worried about you to focus,” Lexa says and Clarke’s eyes go soft.

“Don’t worry about me, Lexa. I can handle myself,” Clarke says and Lexa  _ knows  _ that. She does. It doesn’t stop her from being nervous. She’s always been good at hiding her concern but she can’t with this.

“I know you can. I just want to be able to protect you,” Lexa says and Clarke’s eyes are guarded now, her jaw clenched. She drops Lexa’s hand.

“I can protect myself,” she reiterates. “I don’t need you to be worried about me,” Clarke’s voice starts to rise and Lexa flinches.

“Clarke. I care about you and I just want you to be safe,” Lexa tries to explain and Clarke shakes her head.

“Lexa I have been playing quidditch since I was eleven. I know how to keep myself safe,” Clarke exclaims and there’s fire in her eyes that Lexa hasn’t seen before.

“Yes, I know  _ that _ -” Lexa starts.

“Then just. Focus on your game and I’ll focus on mine,” Clarke says before the starts down the hill toward the clump of people in front of the forbidden forest, leaving Lexa to watch her retreating back and wonder what the bloody hell just happened.

-

They don’t speak again til Saturday.

Raven is, as Lexa suspected, much crankier than usual and as a direct result of that, more prone to giving Lexa shit. “If you don’t go talk to her instead of listening to the fucking song on repeat, I’m going to the black lake to drown myself,” she mutters from her bed. The royal blue curtains are pulled back and she’s flipping through Witch Weekly.

And that’s….fair. Lexa’s been playing Blackbird over and over since Wednesday. She’s long since stopped crying to it though so she considers that progress.

Lexa didn’t even know they were having a fight until it was already over. It was the calmest fight she’s ever engaged in but Clarke never was the shouting type (well, except for that one time). It wasn’t until she was met with Clarke’s harsh glare instead of warm eyes a few hours later. Lexa had decided that maybe some time to let her cool off would be best. But what she didn’t anticipate was how much it would  _ hurt _ .

She’s gotten quite used to spending time by Clarke’s side. Holding her hand and rubbing her knuckles with the pad of her thumb. Being able to kiss her cheek or her jaw whenever she felt like it. Lexa can’t count the number of times she reached out for Clarke only to find an empty space.

And it’s only been three days.

Saturday morning, Lexa sits at the Ravenclaw table, staring at the bowl of food in front of her. She hasn’t touched it, her stomach is churning too much. “Cap, you have to eat something. You’re going to pass out on the field if you don’t,” Raven says and Lexa nods, picking up the spoon and twirling it around the oatmeal. She hears the doors to the great hall open. She turns and watches Clarke walk in with Octavia, laughing about something and Lexa feels her stomach turn again.

“I’m going down to the pitch,” Lexa murmurs, pushing out of her seat. The bench makes a loud noise as she does and she feels her cheeks light up. She meets Clarke’s eyes and they’re softer than she’s seen them in days. Still, Lexa hugs her robes across her body and shuffles out of the hall.

The pitch is still empty when she gets down there. She has her broom in her hands and she steps onto it. She takes a few quick laps around the pitch before settling in the middle, hovering just a few feet off the ground. It’s cloudy and it’s cold. There’s a chance of snow but it’s nothing her team wouldn’t be prepped for. She knows they’ll be fine. 

“Shouldn’t you be saving your energy for the game?” comes a voice from beneath her. Lexa’s heart skips a beat. Clarke.

“I’m not worried,” she replies and she doesn’t take her eyes off of the sky. There’s a ‘whoosh’ of air and then Clarke is hovering next to her. Lexa looks over at her and she gives her a small smile. Clarke returns it.

“Been a few days,” Clarke starts and Lexa’s jaw clenches. She nods.

“If you don’t want to be with me anymore, Clarke, I would prefer you just say it,” Lexa says and while she isn’t exactly prepared for it, she would accept it. Clarke is staring at her with an expression she can’t quite read and Lexa straightens her back, preparing for the inevitable. And then Clarke starts to laugh. Lexa’s brow furrows. “Clarke, it wasn’t a joke,” Lexa says, feeling quite hurt. Clarke shakes her head.

“Lexa, I don’t want to break up with you,” she says and Lexa’s eyes widen in surprise.

“You don’t?” Lexa asks and Clarke continues to shake her head.

“No. Not now. Not ever,” Clarke says, her laughter having evaporated.

“You avoided me for three days. I didn’t know what else to think,” Lexa admits, looking back toward the sky. Clarke reaches across the empty space and rests her hand on top Lexa’s. She almost loses control of her broom when she does. It’s only been a few days but still, the feeling of Clarke’s hand on top of hers feels quite a bit like coming home.

“I needed some time,” Clarke says and she takes a deep breath. “I don’t like when people suggest I can’t take care of myself. It’s a pride thing,” Clarke continues and Lexa bites her lip. She glances over at Lexa. “But that’s what being with someone means. Being concerned about them as much as you’re concerned about yourself,” Clarke relents. Lexa nods. She gets it. She does.

“I wish you would have talked to me,” she says. “These past few days were hell without you,” she adds and it’s vulnerability she’s never shared but she needs Clarke to know. She missed her. She loves her. Even if she can’t say it, not yet, she feels it. More deeply and more intensely than she’s ever felt anything.

“I know. I’m sorry I avoided you. I just needed to process,” Clarke says.

“I’m sorry as well. I never should have presumed you couldn’t keep yourself safe. You’ve been doing a fine job of it all these years,” Lexa replies and Clarke smiles. She leans in, careful to keep her balance, and kisses Lexa gently on the lips. From a distance, Lexa starts to hear voices. She sighs. “I suppose it’s nearly game time,” Lexa says and Clarke looks over her shoulder. She wrinkles her nose.

“It would appear so,” Clarke replies. “Good luck. You’ll need it,” she says with a wink before taking her hand off of Lexa’s and flying toward the Gryffindor locker room.

Lexa feels remarkably less nervous and much less like she wants to vomit now.

But she realizes she  _ is  _ hungry.

She should have listened to Raven.

-

Ravenclaw loses but just barely. They were ahead by nearly a snitch catch and the Gryffindor seeker swooped down at got it just before Anya.

Clarke scored on her six times.

Lexa is sitting with her arms crossed on the couch of the Ravenclaw common room, staring at the fire. She isn’t angry, they’ll likely still make the final as long as they score the appropriate amount of points against Slytherin. But it still fucking sucked.

Raven is sitting across from her. She’s nudging at the fire with a poker. “You’re going to set yourself on fire,” Lexa comments and Raven shrugs.

“That’s the goal,” she mutters and Lexa sits up. Raven’s been like this for weeks and Lexa isn’t standing for it anymore.

“Alright, time to speak up. What’s wrong, Raven?” Lexa asks and Raven looks over at her and shrugs.

“We just lost a game. I’m upset, unlike you,” Raven asks and Lexa gives her a look that she hopes conveys that she’s not buying it.

“I’m not talking about tonight. You’ve been angrier, broodier, and snappier for weeks. What’s. Wrong?” Lexa overanunciates her question but she hopes it’s enough to get the message through.

“Nothing,” she grumbles and it’s obvious that she’s lying.

“Bullshit,” Lexa retorts quickly. Raven fixes her with a glare but she doesn’t back down. If Lexa’s anything, she’s patient. She can wait all night for Raven to answer.

It takes ten minutes but finally Raven starts to speak. “Do you know Octavia? The brunette Gryffindor Clarke’s friends with?” Raven asks and Lexa has to think for a moment but a face comes into her head. She’d been in the common room a few times when they had hung out there.

“Yes,” Lexa says when Raven hasn’t continued speaking. She sighs.

“We hooked up,” she states and Lexa’s eyes narrow. That’s not much of a surprise to her. Raven has always had quite an active sex life and Octavia was exactly her type. She doesn’t see what the issue is. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her,” Raven says softly. “We got partnered in potions and after a night in the library, things just happened,” Raven explains.

“So what exactly is the issue here?” Lexa asks. Raven looks up at her with wide eyes.

“I  _ like  _ her,” she says, her eyebrows crinkling as if she’s just eaten something sour at the word ‘like’. Ah. Now Lexa understands. Raven isn’t the sort to get feelings. Not for anyone.

“And that scares you?” Lexa keeps questioning because she knows it’s the best way to get Raven to keep talking. She’s always functioned better in a question/answer setting.

“Bloody terrifies me. It’s like she’s slipped me a love potion or something,” Raven explains and Lexa leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. Her chin rests on the top of her folded hands.

“Is she worth it?” Lexa sks and it’s not an easy question but Raven’s eyes go resolutely steely.

“More than,” Raven replies after less than a second.

“Then leap, Raven. I recall someone once saying to me that the best things come out of being terrified and going for it anyway,” Lexa echoes the words Raven had spoken to her that day in the library. The conversation that helped her realize that she was allowed to feel for Clarke. That she didn’t need to be so guarded. It felt only right that Lexa return the favor. Raven smirks.

“Sounds like that person was really smart,” Raven jokes and Lexa tilts her head, a soft smile on her face.

“Absolutely brilliant,” Lexa responds, not a single trace of a joke in her voice. Raven smiles and it’s the first genuine smile she’s seen out of her in weeks. They hear the door to the common room open. They both turn their heads and in the doorway, is Clarke. Her cheeks are flushed red and her hair is wild. Lexa raises an eyebrow. Clarke’s face breaks into a bright smile and she starts stumbling toward Lexa. “What are you doing here, love? Shouldn’t you be celebrating?” Lexa asks and Clarke nearly falls over then and Lexa shoots up, She’s at her side quickly and Clarke giggles, something she’s only prone to doing when she’s quite drunk, throwing her arms around Lexa’s neck.

“It wasn’t any fun without you,” Clarke slurs, burying her head in Lexa’s neck. Her lips press against the base of her neck and Lexa feels a chill run down her spine. Raven is watching them with a quirked eyebrow and Lexa gives her a look that says they’ll finish this conversation later. Raven nods and stands up.

“I’m going to take a walk,” she mutters, pushing past them. Clarke points.

“Hey! You shouldn’t be out past curfew,” she sputters, her inebriation making it difficult to take her seriously.

“Speak for yourself, head girl,” Raven say as she slips out of the door with a wink. Lexa watches her leave and once the door shuts, Clarke presses her body further against Lexa. She kisses up the side of her neck and onto her chin.

“Clarke, anyone could come down,” Lexa says but she doesn’t pull away. Clarke’s lips feel nice against her skin.

“Let them. I don't care. I want you,” she murmurs and that’s when Lexa has to pull away.

No. It won’t happen like this. Not the first time.

“No, Clarke,” she says firmly and Clarke looks gobsmacked. Her eyes are wide in surprise and her mouth hangs open. Lexa swallows. “I just. Don’t want our first time to happen when you’re drunk,” Lexa grumbles and maybe it’s silly but it means a lot to her. Being close to Clarke like that? She wants both of them to be able to remember it. Clarke’s eyes soften and she reaches out for Lexa’s hand.

“Of course,” she says and she sounds more sober than Lexa knows she is. Lexa smiles.

“Thank you,” and she isn’t sure what she’s thanking her for. She knows Clarke is a good person. That she wouldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want. She takes a step toward her and rests a hand on her cheek, She moves it back into her hair. She leans in and kisses her softly on the lips. “Come on, let’s go upstairs,” Lexa says, pulling on Clarke’s hand. She leads her up the stairs and they both collapse onto Lexa’s bed. She pulls the curtains shut and lays down, facing Clarke.

Clarke reaches over and pushes a strand of hair out of her face. “You’re beautiful,” Clarke whispers and Lexa smiles.

“ _ You’re  _ beautiful,” Lexa whispers back and Clarke smiles.

“I guess we’re both beautiful,” she murmurs back and Lexa laughs, Clarke moves in closer and rests her head against Lexa’s chest.

“I’m glad you’re mine,” Clarke says against her skin. Lexa smiles. With Clarke cuddled against her chest, the feeling of her breath tickling her chest, Lexa has never felt more at peace.

Lexa falls asleep to the sounds of Clarke’s steady breathing.

-

Winter begins to turn to spring and the question of ‘after school’ becomes less something to ponder about and more of a daunting reality.

Final exams are still a few weeks off but Lexa swears her palms are constantly sweating.

She’s reading through The Daily Prophet when, from the ceiling, a large regal black owl swoops down. It lands in front of Lexa and sticks its talon out. She recognizes her family seal immediately and her stomach sinks down her toes. She takes the letter off of the owls foot and pets him lightly on the head. “Thank you, Titus,” she says softly and Titus nips at her finger before flying away.

Lexa’s throat has gone dry and she’s caught somewhere between absolute dread and plain terror. It isn’t a howler, it would have started screeching at her already, but it’s from her parents and that never means anything good. She’d almost rather a howler.

She pushes a shaking finger beneath the wax seal, opening the envelope. She takes a deep breath before she slides the folded paper out. She recognizes her mother’s loopy script.

_ Dearest Alexandria, _

_ How is term? I suspect your studies are progressing accordingly. Your father and I both look forward to your commencement ceremony greatly. _

_ Some troubling news has reached us recently. We have heard, from a source I shall keep close to my chest, that you have been consorting with a muggleborn by the name of Clarke Griffin. Your father and I hope this is a lie. You know our feelings about their sort, Alexandria. I would have thought that the….accident that had befallen your precious Costia would have been warning enough. Know that your father and I suffer no qualms about repeating history. _

_ I look forward to your timely response, _

_ Mother. _

Lexa drops the letter from her shaking hands.

No.

No.

They wouldn’t get her. They wouldn’t.

How did they know her name? Merlin, Lexa had been foolish. She would never be allowed to be happy. Not as long as her parents have anything to do with her life. Lexa has no doubts that they won’t cash in on their threat if Lexa continues to see Clarke. 

And she can’t protect her.

She knows Clarke can handle herself, she  _ does _ , but quidditch is baby’s breath in comparison to the poison that is her parents. Darkness and evil flows through their veins and there’s no way around that.

They would hurt her. Lexa stands, her vision clouded with tears. She stumbles out of the great hall not bothering to look where she’s going. She crashes into strangers and mumbles vague apologies. She doesn’t know where she’s going. She doesn’t have a destination in mind. She just knows she can’t let the general population of Hogwarts see her cry.

Before she knows it, she’s at the wall of the room of requirement. The door appears quickly and she stumbles into it. The room is familiar. It’s the one she’s spent so much time crafting with Clarke. It’s a perfect mixture of the two of them by now. Clarke’s painting of the stars covers the ceiling and the record player that Lexa had bought her for Christmas sits in the middle of the room. It suddenly makes her sick to her stomach to see.

She closes her eyes and she focuses. She pictures her room at home. The dark walls. The green curtains. When she opens them, those details are what she sees. It’s the ambiance that fits her mood.

She’s not sure how long she sits there, letter in her hands, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. All she knows is that it’s long enough to make a decision. It isn’t an easy one, not by a long shot, but she knows it’s the right one. Her parents won’t relent. They’ve long since honed in on her weakness and they know how to exploit it in exactly the right ways to keep her underneath their thumb. She would never escape. Her duty is to them first and foremost. She had to honor them. And that meant leaving Clarke.

She loves her, Merlin knows she loves her, but it’s not enough. It can’t be enough.

The door to the room of requirement opens and Lexa’s head snaps up. Clarke is in the doorway, eyes wide and frantic. A calm settles over her though the moment that she sees Lexa. “There you are,” she says softly and Lexa nods, swallowing down the lump in her throat.

“Here I am,” she replies, her voice empty.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asks, walking over to her. She leans on the arm of the blue chair and she looks exquisitely vibrant against the blue of the Ravenclaw crest. She doesn’t allow herself to dwell on the beauty of Clarke illuminated by her colors though. Any other day she would have asked her to just stay so Lexa could enjoy the moment. But not now. There aren’t many moments Lexa should allow herself to indulge in, not anymore.

Wordlessly, she hands the letter to Clarke. She watches Clarke’s face as she reads through it. Color slowly melts out of it and when she’s finished, she lets the letter fall from her fingers. Lexa watches the paper float toward the ground. “Oh,” she says. Lexa nods.

“I was foolish to think I could avoid this. That they wouldn’t find out. They have eyes everywhere,” Lexa grits out through clenched teeth. There’s tears pushing at the backs of her eyes but she refuses to let them fall. Not now.

“Lexa, we can, we can go to them! We can talk to them. This is...this is good!” Clarke says and even Lexa can hear just how much she’s trying to convince herself.

“Clarke, be realistic. They’re older, much more powerful. Neither of us stand a chance,” Lexa says flatly. Clarke’s eyes are glassy and Lexa tries not to see the tears brimming at the bottom of her eyes.

“You can’t just give up on this,” Clarke says, her voice broken. Lexa clenches her jaw.

“I’m not giving up. I’m giving you a chance to live with that beautiful brain of yours still able to function,” Lexa replies and it’s far from what Clarke wants to hear, if the way she reacts is anything to go by. Her own jaw locks and her eyes are fire, burning bright with anger now and she prefers this to the way they glaze over with sadness. Her fists clench at her sides and she shakes her head.

“No. you can’t do this,” she pleads and Lexa averts her eyes.

“Clarke, I have to do this and you  _ have  _ to let me,” Lexa says, bringing her gaze up again. Clarke is crying now and she’s not trying to hide them.

“Please, Lexa. Let me try to help, talk to them! Anybody can see reason if you just give them a chance!” Clarke exclaims and Lexa looks away. She leans her head against the wall.

“You’re so driven to fix everything for everyone but you can’t fix this, Clarke. You can’t. They’re stronger and more powerful than you can even begin to imagine. They blasted Costia into insanity and I will not let them do that to you,” Lexa says, her voice rising the longer that she speaks.

“Don’t you dare be fucking noble now. You’re no Gryffindor,” Clarke sneers. Lexa’s eyes squeeze shut.

“You’re right. I’m not. If I was, maybe I would be brave enough,  _ reckless _ enough to risk you. But I’m not,” Lexa says. Clarke’s bottom lip is quivering and Lexa starts to stand, pushing herself off of the wall. She tries to reach out and put a hand on Clarke’s cheek but she flinches away.

“Leave,” Clarke says through tears and gritted teeth. “Leave!” she shouts and it’s Lexa’s turn to flinch.

“As you wish,” Lexa murmurs and she starts to walk away. She slows as she closes in on the door, waiting for Clarke to say something, anything. She doesn’t.

Lexa walks out of the room of requirement with a sinking feeling in her stomach that she’s ruined the best thing she’s ever had.

-

She stays in bed, her curtains closed, for three days. She doesn’t eat. She doesn’t shower.

She replays the image of Clarke shouting “ _ Leave _ ” at her and she thinks that if she dies from a broken heart, that image should be the last one she sees. One last wound from the dagger to remind her that she deserves this. She deserves to suffer for breaking Clarke the way she did.

But the fact remains - it was the right thing. Clarke wasn’t safe so long as she was still with Lexa. Even the heavily charmed Hogwarts walls wouldn’t keep her out of harm's way. The only thing that would is Lexa’s permanent absence from her life.

It still feels like some kind of creature is shredding her insides apart when she thinks of her but she suspects the pain will fade with time. It won’t go away, not entirely, but that’s the thing about pain. It’s always present but eventually it dulls to a low hum and you really have to listen for it. You can trick yourself into thinking it’s absent. But it’s only an illusion. It fades just as quickly as any other.

Lexa is hugging her pillow tight against her chest. It still smells a bit like Clarke if Lexa focuses. 

Her curtains are ripped open then and Lexa flinches at the rays of sunshine that invade her vision. “Alright, up and at'em,” Raven says and Lexa groans, flipping over. She covers her eyes with her forearm, hoping Raven gets the message that she wants her to  _ go away _ . She doesn’t.

Raven walks to the other side and opens the curtains there too. “Oh no, cap, you aren't getting off that easy. I’ve let you wallow for a few days but it’s time to get the fuck up,” she says. She sits down on the bed, patting her hands on Lexa’s blanket covered thigh.

“I’m just fine here,” Lexa grumbles, her voice muffled by the pillow she holds against her face. Raven rolls her eyes.

“No, come on. You need to go to class. Your professors have started asking questions and you can’t keep skiving off to wallow over the girl you dumped,” Raven shoots and Lexa’s head finally pops up long enough for her to glare at Raven.

“Harsh,” she mumbles and Raven smirks.

“Got you to stop burying your nose in that pillow didn’t it?” she says and Lexa bits her lip and tilts her head.

“Fair,” she replies and for moment, she’d forgotten why she had been burrowing in the first place. And then she remembers. Her stomach sinks and her heart clenches. “She’s gone, Raven,” Lexa whispers and Raven’s eyes go soft.

“I know,” she responds and she takes a deep breath. “Fuck class,” she murmurs and lays down next to Lexa. The bed is small and Raven is pressed against her back. She doesn’t feel the same as Clarke. Lexa bites her lip as a sob falls from her lips, her body shaking. Raven puts an arm around her waist and pulls her in close. They stay like that for a few moments before Raven says, “this is weird,” and Lexa can’t help but agree. She loves Raven but they’ve never been the overly physical pair.

Raven switches her position and reclines against the opposite edge of the bed. Lexa sits up , tightening her grip on the pillow. “Do you want to talk about it?” Raven asks and Lexa shakes her head.

“Not particularly,” she says back and Raven nods.

“Good. I wasn’t ready for you to go Moaning Myrtle on me anyway,” Raven replies with a smirk. Lexa kicks her gently on the side.

They sit in silence for quite some time. “They knew,” Lexa finally says. “I don’t know how but they knew. They threatened her with the same fate that they bestowed on Costia. Things were different when it was a faraway concept. I felt like I could hide in her. But I can’t. She’s not a hiding space. She’s a person and I can’t thrust her in front of me in an attempt to shield myself from my parents,” Lexa explains, her voice bitter. Raven is looking at her contemplatively.

“Your love isn’t a security blanket, Lexa and you aren’t hiding behind it. Loving Clarke, well, it gives you something to fight for,” Raven says. Lexa sighs.

“They terrify me,” she admits, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“You can survive them, Lexa. You’ve done it for nearly eighteen years. You can do it one more time,” Raven assures and Lexa bites her lip.

“I’m not sure I can. There’s only so many mistakes I can make before they tire of it. Tire of dealing with me,” Lexa murmurs and Raven’s eyes go wide.

“You don’t think they would really hurt you, do they?” Raven asks and Lexa snorts.

“They have given me a sampling of what they can do. Not just to those I love but to me. I have no doubt in mind they wouldn’t strike me with a killing curse if they simply grew too tired of cleaning up my mess,” Lexa grumbles and it’s not a scary fact, not anymore. She’s more than accustomed to thought that she’s a pawn, and an asset, to her parents than a daughter. They don’t have even a lick of emotional connection to her. 

“Shit,” Raven says and Lexa chuckles.

Yes. 

_ Shit _ .

-

Weeks begin to pass and slowly, Lexa feels a return to normalcy. Things aren’t fantastic, not by any means, but they’re passable. Care of magical creatures is perhaps the worst part of her days now and it seems like ages ago that it was what she looked forward to the most. She and Clarke stand on the opposite sides of the small crowd of people in the class and venture out into the woods separately.

Today, Lexa sits by the thestrals. The one with the broken wing has grown quite a bit since she and Clarke had first seen her. She’s beautiful. She walks up to Lexa and nudges her with her beak. Lexa gently drags a hand against the taut skin of her face. It still aches, being here in this place where things had started, but Lexa’s accepted that maybe this pain won’t ever fade. Maybe she doesn’t deserve for it to fade.

She’s in the middle of a rather terrible sketch when she hears the crunching of leaves behind her. Lexa’s head snaps around, ready to force the person back lest they scare the thestrals away. Lexa is surprised to find Clarke standing there. Her eyes are looking past her, at the thestral, and Lexa feels her heartbeat accelerate.

Slowly, Clarke walks toward her. She pauses next to her and rub a hand across the thestrals beak. She nuzzles into Clarke’s hand. “She’s grown so much,” Clarke murmurs. Lexa bites down on her lip. She nods.

“I think she’s managed to figure out how to work with that wing,” Lexa whispers back and it’s Clarke’s turn to nod.

“How are you?” Clarke asks and Lexa opens her mouth to answer but Clarke shakes her head. “Nevermind. I don’t really want to know,” she mutters. Lexa takes a moment to really look at her then. There are bags beneath her eyes and they look bloodshot, as if she hasn’t been sleeping. She looks thinner and her hair is thrown up into a messy bun - though not messy with intention. She’s holding onto her wrist with her free arm.

“I deserve that,” Lexa replies and Clarke turns her head and her eyes are harsh.

“It’s the least of things you deserve,” she spits and Lexa flinches. She feels like there’s an anchor in her stomach, keeping her nauseous. Clarke sighs.

“I didn’t come here to antagonize you,” Clarke relents, still keep her eyes on the thestral. She glances over to Lexa. “It’s your birthday,” she says. Lexa nods.

“It is,” she affirms, dragging her fingers along the hem of robes.

“Happy birthday,” Clarke offers. Silence falls between them because there’s a lump in Lexa’s throat that she can’t quite swallow. They’re both staring at the expanse of trees in front of them.

“T-thank you, Clarke,” Lexa finally responds, her voice cracking. Clarke reaches into her pocket and she pulls out a long, thin box. She hands it over without looking. Lexa’s eyes widen. “You didn’t have to,” Lexa starts and Clarke shakes her head.

“I didn’t. I ordered it before,” she pauses, taking a deep breath, “before you broke up with me,” she finishes, her jaw clenching. Slowly, Lexa rips the paper off of the box. She opens it. Inside, there is a long, beautiful quill. 

“Is this?” Lexa trails off and she lifts it, watching the colors shine in the sun.

“A phoenix feather quill,” she nods. “Don’t bother to thank me. I couldn’t bring myself keep it,” she murmurs and Lexa feels her chin start to quiver. She wipes at her eyes and tries not to sniffle.

“Clarke,” Lexa says, her name rolling off her tongue like a desperate plea. She shakes her head.

“Don’t,” she whispers. “Whatever you’re going to say, I don’t to hear it,” she says and lifts a hand to her face, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her robe.

“I’m so sorry,” she says anyway and that’s when Clarke breaks. A sob shakes her body and the dam breaks, tears falling freely down her cheeks. She whips around and pulls her wand out, pointing it at Lexa. Lexa doesn’t flinch. Clarke is staring at her, tears running down her cheeks. Her hand is shaking.

They stay like that for a few moments before Clarke drops her wand. She sobs again and Lexa swallows. “I never meant to turn you into this,” Lexa whispers and Clarke bites her lip. 

“I can’t believe I let you ruin me,” she mutters and it doesn’t much sound like she’s actually talking to Lexa.

“Clarke, if this were different, if I was different, we,” and Lexa can’t say it. She can’t. She won’t give her hope where there isn’t any. “You’ll find someone else, I’m sure,” Lexa settles on and she tries not to sound like that idea of that is the most soul crushing thing she could possibly imagine. 

Clarke turns to her, shaking her head. “Don’t you get it?” she asks and Lexa stares back at her, blankly. “I don’t want anyone else. I want you,” she says, her voice desperate. “Even still,” she whispers. She stands up straight then and licks her lips. “Have a good birthday, Lexa,” she finishes and starts to walk away.

“Clarke,” Lexa calls, standing up and she doesn’t know why she does it. Maybe part of her couldn’t let Clarke just walk away when this felt an awful lot like a goodbye. She couldn’t let this be the end.

Clarke pauses, turning her head. Lexa opens her mouth and the words get stuck in her throat. Clarke sighs and she turns around again.

Lexa lets her walk away this time.

-

The quidditch final is coming up and Lexa ought not to be surprised that it’s Ravenclaw against Gryffindor.

She dreads it though, more than she can say.

She works her team harder than she’s worked them all season. They’re out in all temperatures, all types of weather. They practice in rain or shine. Lexa wants to win. It’s her last ever final and she’ll be damned if she doesn’t take the victory home.

Final exams are coming up as well and Lexa is beginning to feel the stress of them. She needs to get the grades. Most of her is still unsure if exactly what it is she wants to do and she's not sure she'll ever be able to break that news to her parents.

She knows her family wants her to pursue an auror career. They need her to keep up appearances. To say that the Woods family was finally on the right side of the law. 

She’s set to have dinner with them at her home later in the week. To discuss her future. To say she’s dreading it would be quite a massive understatement.

Lexa is patrolling the astronomy tower. She’d been getting solo patrols again, her schedule often being delivered by Octavia who was prone to giving her sympathetic looks that Lexa ignored.

She stops in the window. Well, it’s less a window and more a hole in the brick of the tower. She sits on the ledge and looks up at the sky. If there ever were an opportune time for a shooting star to fly across the darkness, now would be it.

“Oh sorry,” comes a voice from the doorway. Lexa’s head whips around. It’s Clarke. “I thought you would be finished with patrol by now,” Clarke says, bowing her head and getting ready to turn away.

“I was just leaving. Feel free to double check the area,” Lexa says, moving off of the ledge. She starts to walk toward the door and Clarke’s eyes are clenched closed.

“Wait,” she says before Lexa has a chance to leave. “How are you?” Clarke asks. “I really do want an answer this time,” Clarke adds, remembering their last conversation on Lexa’s birthday. Lexa shrugs.

“I…..have been better,” Lexa says honestly. “I’m having dinner with parents this weekend,” Lexa offers and Clarke’s face falls.

“Oh,” she says.

And in that moment, Clarke’s defeated face in front of her, Lexa is hit with a wave of regret. She did this. She hurt her. Because she was scared. Because she felt she couldn’t protect her.

She’d been looking out for herself. The only person that Lexa had ever been able to rely on completely in her entire life was  _ Lexa _ . She was her own people.

But then there was Clarke. Clarke had become her person too. And she opted to protect just one half of her heart.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Lexa says and Clarke snorts.

“You’ve mentioned,” she replies dryly. Lexa smiles, though it’s small.

“Never for what I should have apologized for. I’m sorry I didn’t choose you,” Lexa says and Clarke’s head shoots up.

“I understand why. I don’t like it, but I understand it,” Clarke says and it means more to Lexa than she’s able to properly articulate. They stare at each other from across the tower for a few moments before Lexa bows her head and starts to walk out.

“Do you,” Clarke starts and Lexa freezes in her tracks. “Do you think there’ll ever be space for us again?” Clarke asks and her voice is vulnerable and honest. Lexa bites her lip. She has to hope so. Raven was right. Clarke wasn’t something she should be hiding behind. She was her reason to fight.

“Maybe someday,” Lexa replies and Clarke smiles, the first genuine smile Lexa has seen on her face for weeks.

“I hope so,” Clarke replies and they stare at each other for another few moments before Lexa turns on her heel and walks out of the tower.

She feels something bubbling in her chest as she starts to walk back to Ravenclaw tower.

It takes her a bit to recognize it, but as she falls asleep hugging the pillow that no longer smells like Clarke, she realizes what it is.

It’s hope.

-

She apparates to her parents home from Hogsmeade. Her palms are sweating and she’s  _ nervous _ .

She knows what she’s doing tonight and it’s quite possibly the biggest risk she’s ever taken in her life but she has to. She can’t be afraid of them anymore. They don’t own her. They don’t control her. She should be allowed to love, and be loved, unconditionally. It wasn’t weakness. It was strength. It was power.

Lexa wears a simple dress and she wipes her palms on it before knocking on the door. It’s strange, she thinks, to be knocking on the door of your own home but she can’t imagine barging in.

Her mother opens the door and Lexa is greeted with only a handshake and a cold kiss to the cheek.

Her father is already sitting at the table, smoking something from a pipe. The spoons in the kitchen are stirring on their own and her mother says, “dinner will be ready shortly, please have a seat.”

Lexa does as she’s asked. She sits on a stiff chair with her ankles crossed. Her hands are folded onto her lap and her father closes the Prophet, grumbling something about the sordid state of affairs at the ministry. “So, Alexandria, how are your grades?” he asks and Lexa feels a sinking in her stomach. The first thing he says to her in nearly eight months is about her  _ grades _ . She shouldn’t be surprised, or hurt, but she still is. She’s never given up dreaming that maybe one day, her parents might actually learn to love her the way she deserves to be loved. But that was clearly a pipedream.

“They’re fine. I am on track to graduate in June,” Lexa responds, her voice mechanical.

Her mother looks at her over the rim of her glasses. “I suspect you’ve stopped seeing that muggleborn filth?” she spits with such casual disdain it nearly makes Lexa sick to her stomach. Her fists clench in her lap. Under normal circumstances, Lexa would swallow her pride and just nod. But she can’t do it. Not anymore. So she lifts her chin and says,

“Actually, no. We’re still together and quite happy,” and it’s a flat out lie but her mother doesn’t know that. The lie might be worth it for the way that her mother’s mouth drops.

“Alexandria Woods, you had better be lying to me,” she warns and Lexa shakes her head.

“I’m not. And her name is Clarke. I know you know it so use it. She may be muggleborn but she makes me outrageously happy. Isn’t that what matters?” Lexa pleads and there was no lie in the words she’d just spoken. Clarke made her happier than anyone, anything, else. She might love her more than flying.

Her mother slams her palms on the table. “What could you possibly see in a mudblood?” her father pipes up from his chair, laughing as if he’s just made an uproariously funny joke. Lexa just glares.

“She’s…..amazing. She’s absolutely bloody brilliant, a right load smarter than you lot I suspect, and she cares for me. Something you two have never bothered to pretend you did. She’s special and if you can’t see that, then I don’t want to see you,” Lexa exclaims and she’s sure this is the most words she’s strung together in conversation with her parents in years.  If the situation weren’t so awful, she’d almost be grateful that Clarke was the reason for it.

“Alexandria,” her mother hisses, her face brightening to an alarming shade of red that Lexa’s sure can’t be healthy.

“I’m sorry mother. I choose her. If you can’t see yourself accepting that then...we’re finished. Forever. Blast me off the family tree, I don’t care how you do it, just. Forget me,” she says and she stands. Her body is shaking as she does. She’s never felt more brave, more exhilarated, or more terrified for anything in her life. Her mother snarls and she pulls her wand from where it rests up her sleeve. She points it at Lexa and she barely has a moment to apparate out of the house before her mother shouts ‘obliviate!’.

Lexa lands back in Hogsmeade, her body hitting the ground. She takes a deep breath.

She’d done it.

She’d really done it.

She’d finally stood up for herself and told her parents exactly where they could shove it. She’s sure this won’t be the last that she hears from them but it’s certainly a start.

And all for a girl she isn’t even dating anymore.

But as Lexa walks back to the castle, the colors of the sunset illuminating the skyline, she has hope that maybe that’s a fact that she can fix.

-

It’s the morning of the quidditch final and Lexa is sure she’s going to be sick.

She’s sitting at the table across from Raven,staring down at her oatmeal. “Tell me again,” Raven asks and Lexa rolls her eyes.

“Raven, the story is not that interesting,” Lexa says with a sigh. Raven rolls her eyes.

“Of bloody course it is! You stood up to your parents. That’s fucking huge,” Raven says and the tips of Lexa’s ears go red.

“It really wasn’t that big of a deal,” Lexa mumbles, playing with the spoon in her oatmeal. Raven is about to say more when from the Gryffindor table, Octavia comes bounding up. She looks hesitantly from Raven to Lexa and back again before resolutely leaning down and giving Raven a kiss on the cheek.

“Good luck,” she whispers and Lexa swears she’s never seen Raven’s cheeks that shade of red before.

“Something you’d like to share?” Lexa asks with a raised eyebrow after Octavia leaves to go back to her table. Raven shakes her head, her smile reaching nearly from ear to ear.

Lexa is happy for her, really she is. If there’s anyone she knows who deserves happiness, it’s Raven. She’s had more unkindness dealt to her in her lifetime than anybody deserves. The universe owes her a reprieve.

Lexa glances over her shoulder at the Gryffindor table. She sees Clarke laughing with Octavia and there’s a pang in her chest. She hasn’t had a chance to speak to her. Not since coming back from her parents’ house. She doesn’t even know that Clarke wants to speak to her.

Clarke looks up then and her eyes meet Lexa’s. She gives her a soft smile before turning back to her conversation.

Maybe after the quidditch final, they’d finally talk.

-

The game starts slow.

A few goals are traded back and forth but there’s no real action.

Minutes turn into hours and Gryffindor explodes. Lexa doesn’t know what it is but she’s off her game. These quaffles keep getting past her. She’s frustrated.

They're losing. By just shy of a snitch catch. 250-110. They've been playing for nearly three hours and Lexa is exhausted. She's made save after save, though clearly there's only so much that she can do if Anya doesn't catch the damn snitch. This is the most important game of the year...the championship. And Lexa would be damned if she handed the title over to Gryffindor on a silver platter without giving it the fight of her life.   
  
It's starting to rain (of course it is - there's not been a year for as long as Lexa can remember that it hasn't down poured during the final. Simply keeping with tradition). Her team is trained for this. She knows they are. She didn't drag them out of bed at 6am during the rainy season for them not to be prepared for exactly this. She sees the devilish grin on Anya's face and she watches Gus' eyes harden and Raven even throw up a fist bump toward the sky and she knows that she's right. They're ready. She sees the look on the Gryffindor seekers face (and it can only be described as sheer panic) and she knows that they've got this. They're going to win.   
  
And then there's a cracking sound coming from her left and Lexa's head snaps back. Her eyes focus and all she can see is blonde hair and a lithe body falling from a broom. Clarke.   
  
There's a Gryffindor coming at her with a quaffle but Clarke is falling and Lexa is frozen in the moment because her heart is clenching at the thought of Clarke hitting the ground. But if this quaffle gets past her, it's over. Even if they catch the snitch they can't win.   
  
And she wonders, just for a second, how the fuck Clarke became more important than winning this game.

But really, she knows. She knows how Clarke wormed her way into her heart. Into her veins. Lexa has to wonder if, perhaps, she had been there the entire time. It had just taken some time to notice.

The chaser is coming at her with the quaffle but Lexa’s eyes are on Clarke. She’s still falling.

From her side, she hears a victorious yell. Anya.

Then the announcer, “Anya has caught the snitch. Ravenclaw wins!”

And Lexa flies away from the goal posts with more speed than she ever thought possible.

She’s pushing with all of her strength to get to her before she hits the ground. She won’t watch it. She won’t lose Clarke. Not to a fucking quidditch game. Not after all that they’ve fought through together. It wasn’t time yet.

Quickly, and before she’s even aware of it, Lexa is underneath her. She’s gripping her thighs tightly around the broomstick and she hopes to Merlin it will continue to support her.

Clarke falls into her arms not a moment later and she nearly falls, nearly, but she manages to stay balanced. Clarke’s eyes are closed and Lexa is worried. More worried than she’s ever been about anything. She flies down and hits turf. The rest of her team is kilometers above her, celebrating the championship that they’d just won, but Lexa could only focus on Clarke.

She lays her on the ground. “Come on, Clarke,” she whispers, patting her cheek. Lexa doesn’t even. notice that tears in her eyes until they start to fall onto Clarke’s forehead. She moves to wipe the away.

“What did I say about being able to handle myself?” comes Clarke’s voice, groggy and slow but it’s  _ there  _ and Lexa doesn't think she's ever been more grateful to hear her voice.

She grabs her cheeks and bends down low, pressing her lips against Clarke’s. The stands are erupting and Lexa knows it’s for her team who have rightfully earned it but for a moment, she pretends it’s for them. That the world is applauding that they finally found their time. At least, hopefully.

Lexa pulls back and Clarke is smiling at her like she’s everything good, beautiful, and right in this world.

“Whoa,” Clarke says and Lexa bends her head, laughing.

“That’s how I feel whenever I look at you,” Lexa replies and Clarke’s smile grows. She reaches up, rests a hand on Lexa’s cheek, and pulls her head down for another kiss.

Everyone else might be celebrating the final but Lexa can’t help but feel like she’s gotten two victories tonight.

-

They walk together outside of the castle.

Their hands are clasped and dangling between the two of them and momentarily it seems like no time has passed.

“I spoke to my parents,” Lexa says to break the silence. Clarke raises an eyebrow.

“You did?” she asks and Lexa nods.

“It went as well as could have been expected. My mother tried to obliviate me as I apparated away but she didn’t get me. At least I don’t think,” Lexa replies, her voice taking on a questioning tone. Clarke laughs.

“I’m proud of you. For standing up to them,” Clarke states and they come to a stop. They’re underneath the tree where they’d had their first real kiss. Lexa smiles.

“I did it for you,” Lexa offers and Clarke shakes her head.

“No. You did it for you,” she replies simply. Before Lexa has a chance to respond, Clarke continues, “I missed you, you know? I didn’t think I would ever get you back the way I wanted,” Clarke says. “I needed you to choose me. And you did. Twice,” Clarke finishes and Lexa puts a hand on her cheek, lacing her fingers through her hair.

“I will never stop choosing you,” Lexa murmurs, looking down at Clarke’s lips. “Can I?” she asks, peeking at her through her eyelashes.

“Yes,” Clarke whispers and they lean in, kissing again under the same branches where they’d shared their first kiss.

It feels like a new beginning.

-

The rest of term passes quickly, in a haze of kisses behind statues, swimming in the black lake, and studying.

Every day, Lexa thinks to herself that she’ll never be able to love Clarke more than she does on that day, but Clarke continues to prove her wrong.

And when they visit the room of requirement for the first time since getting back together, Lexa decides they need to write new memories inside of it.

(And write they do - love poems all over each other bodies and it’s the best first time they could have asked for).

It’s finally graduation day and Clarke asks Lexa to meet her by the thestral fields.

She’s already there when Lexa arrives. She’s petting the head of the baby they’d grown so fond of over the past year. She’s not a baby so much anymore, she’s nearly full grown, but she still acts like one. “I wish we could keep her,” Lexa calls out to announce her presence. Clarke turns, smiling.

“I know,” she replies. “Look, there’s something I want to talk to you about,” she starts and Lexa’s eyes widen. Oh no. They’d just gotten back together, there’s no way Clarke wants out already? “It’s nothing bad. It’s just. I know what I want to do after school,” Clarke states. Lexa tilts her head.

“I thought you were accepted into the healer’s program here?” Lexa asks, confused. Clarke nods.

“I was. But while we were apart, I applied for some other things too and I didn’t think they would come through but they did,” she’s rambling and that’s how Lexa knows she’s nervous. She reaches out and grabs her hand. She settles. “I applied to some programs outside of London,” she blurts and Lexa isn’t quite sure how she’s supposed to react. That means Clarke would be far away. And Lexa didn’t like the sound of that. “I got into programs in Spain, Australia, and the states. I didn’t think I’d even get into one let alone all three. But I think I’m going to accept the position in the states. They’re waiting on my answer,” she adds and then it really dawns on her.

“Oh,” Lexa says and she wants to pull her hand away because she can’t do this. She can’t break up with Clarke again. The first time nearly did her in.

“I want you to come with me, Lexa.” Clarke says and Lexa’s eyes go wide. The states are….far. And different. Too different. “I get a stipend for being part of the program and it’s enough to cover rent in a small flat. It’s two years at least and then some work in the facility there. I...I don’t want to be apart from you for that long,” Clarke’s voice goes soft and Lexa looks at her contemplatively. “Will you at least consider it?” Clarke asks after a few moments of Lexa’s silence.

She doesn’t want to be apart from Clarke for that long either. The weeks they had been broken up nearly destroyed her and she can’t imagine at least two years where she can’t hug her or kiss her whenever she wants. While distance is easier when you’re magic, there will still be nights that Lexa falls asleep without Clarke by her side and she never, ever wants to do that again.

“I’m not considering it,” she starts and the hopeful smile on Clarke’s face falls. “I’m doing it. I’ll go with you,” Lexa says and Clarke nearly squeals in excitement. She jumps, throwing her arms around Lexa’s neck. “I meant it though, no red throw pillows,” Lexa murmurs when they pull apart. Clarke laughs into her shoulder.

“I love you,” she says and Lexa’s heart skips a beat. It’s the first time Clarke’s said it and Lexa feels dizzy but in the best way.

“I love you too,” she replies. “We’re going to have a life together, Clarke, you and me,” Lexa says, her tone one of wonderment.

She never imagined she would get this. A beautiful girl she was completely in love with and a chance at a real life. While she’s sure her parents will be back to be a nuisance in the future, it didn’t matter to her even one bit. She had Clarke and if she had her, she could survive anything. She could weather any storm.

When Lexa walks across the platform, the last to get her certificate of conferral, she doesn’t see her parents in the crowd. She isn’t upset, not really, because she sees Clarke. Raven is shouting loudly for her as well and Lexa thinks that maybe they’re all of the family she needs.

-

They had agreed before the end of term that Lexa would stay with the Griffin’s for a few weeks, at least until she could get herself settled. But that turned into until the apartment in New York was ready.

Lexa would be lying if she said she wasn’t utterly terrified of Abby Griffin. She’s the one person she has to impress.

It takes a few days but they warm up to each other and by the time Clarke and Lexa are set to leave, Lexa is almost sad to leave Abby.

“I can’t believe you’re sad to leave my Mum,” Clarke says with a roll of her eyes. Lexa shrugs, wrapping her arms around Clarke’s waist, resting her chin on her shoulder.

“She’s very nice. We had quite a few morning chats over grapefruit halves,” Lexa says, kissing the bone of Clarke’s jaw.

“Oh stop that, we have to finish packing. And Raven and Octavia,” she starts but she’s interrupted by a popping sound in the room. “Are here,” she finishes as Raven and Octavia attempt to untangle themselves from each other.

“I fucking hate that,” Raven grumbles and Octavia rolls her eyes.

“Well you’re going to have to get used to it if you ever want to see your best friend,” she says and Raven pouts.

“Don’t remind me,” she says and she throws her arms around Lexa, who is still hugging Clarke, so it ends up a strange group hug. Octavia decides she doesn’t want to be left out so she wraps her arms around them as well. 

Lexa is, suddenly, quite overwhelmed. She’s never felt surrounded by so much affection. She can’t help it - her eyes start to water. From across the hug pile, Octavia smirks. “Lexa, are you crying?” she asks and Lexa sniffles.

“No,” though it’s obvious she’s lying. The crack in her voice and the tear that falls from her eyes betray her.

“Oh you giant fucking sap,” Raven says, and Lexa can’t help but laugh. Soon, they’re all laughing into each other and Lexa thinks she’ll never have a harder goodbye than this one.

Abby knocks on the door. “The portkey is starting to glow, I think it’s time,” she says, her face settled into a gentle smile. Lexa nods, wiping at her eyes.

“Alright then,” she says, standing up straight. She pulls herself out of the group hug and straightens out her clothes. It’s a pointless gesture though because not more than a moment later, Raven is hugging her again.

“I’m going to miss you, cap,” she whispers and Lexa wraps her arms around her shoulders and squeezes her tightly.

“I’m going to miss you too, Raven. Remember, I’m only an owl away,” Lexa whispers back and she hears Raven sniffle. She won’t acknowledge that she’s crying, no, but there’s a tug in her stomach and she’s tempted to take her with them. She hasn’t known life without Raven. They’d been best friends since first year.

“Who’s going to wake me up before the sun rises and nag me when I pretend to hate it?” Raven says and Lexa gestures with her chin to Octavia, who is having her very own tearful goodbye with Clarke.

“I’m sure you’ll find a taker,” she replies. Raven smiles and shakes her head.

“You’re my best mate, you know that, cap?” Raven asks and Lexa’s bottom lip quivers as she nods.

“You’re mine too,” Lexa echoes and they hug one more time before Abby comes back in, telling them it’s  _ really  _ starting to glow and they had better get down there.

They take only the bags they can carry. 

Raven and Octavia have been tasked with charming the rest of their belongings over after they assure them they’re in the right place.

“Are you ready?” Lexa asks Clarke, who has just finished hugging her mum goodbye. She nods resolutely.

“More than,” she replies and they clasp hands, just for a moment.

As they grab the glowing portkey, together, they raise their free hands to wave goodbye to their friends - no. Their  _ family _ . 

They feel the familiar tug at their navels and they’re suddenly being squeezed through a tube of space.

They land messily on the wood floor of the empty apartment. Lexa, having landed right on her bottom, stands slowly, looking around the room. It’s certainly….cozy. Not nearly the size she had expected but then she looks over at Clarke, who is grinning from ear to ear, and she thinks that it’s absolutely perfect.

Clarke walks over to her and puts her hands on her shoulders. “We’re home,” Clarke whispers and Lexa doesn’t look away from Clarke’s eyes when she replies,

“We are.”

Clarke is smiling when she leans up to kiss her. “Our first kiss in our new house. How’s it feel?” Clarke asks, mouth still against Lexa’s.

“Perfect,” she whispers and then Clarke pulls away.

“Hold onto that feeling. Because I brought something,” Clarke says and Lexa’s eyebrows raise. Clarke leans down and digs into her book bag, which Lexa suspects has been enhanced in size to hold more than originally allowed. She shields whatever it is with her body, turning around quickly, keeping her hands behind her back. 

“Don’t be mad,” Clarke says and now Lexa is worried.

The worry immediately fades into laughter though when Clarke pulls a red throw pillow from behind her back. “Did you take that from the common room?” Lexa asks and Clarke nods, a proud smile on her face. Lexa puts her hands on either side of Clarke’s cheeks and kisses her. “I love it,” she says honestly and Clarke’s smile in return is bright. “I love  _ you _ ,” Lexa adds and she does. More than anything.

Their apartment might not be large or even decorated but it’s  _ theirs _ and above all, that’s all Lexa has ever wanted. Something that felt like hers. A home. 

And she found that.

She found Clarke.

Even if she never uses a wand again she thinks Clarke is magic enough to keep her enchanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @ aliciaclvrk if you have any questions! feedback is welcomed and appreciated.


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